23 November 2005

happy thxgiving kids!

i know i shouldn't be so thankful when our president makes an ass of himself. it's #19 on my list of things to be thankful for though.

have a good one everyone and remember... if you're going to mow on the turkey, designate a driver!

pic courtesy of http://socialitelife.com

17 November 2005

i'm the undisputed queen of chicken stock, yo!

yes kids, you know it's that time of year when i break out the biggest stock pot i have and, well... make the whole house reek of thanksgiving. i'm sure the recipe is somewhere on my blog, but i'll post it again:

4 lb chicken backs, wings, or other parts that are as bony as they are meaty
3 med onions, quartered
4 ribs celery, roughly chopped
4 carrots, roughly chopped
4-5 intact garlic cloves
10 sprigs fresh thyme
good handful italian parsley
2 bay leaves
10-20 whole peppercorns

put all ingredients in the largest pot you have and cover to 1" deep with COLD water. cover pot and place over medium heat just until bubbles break the surface. remove lid and lower heat to low. you don't want it to ever cook any harder than bubbles breaking the surface. cook 8 hrs and remove the chunks with a spider or other straining utensil and then pour through the finest strainer you have into a very large bowl. it will remove the herby bits and whatever scuzz might still be lingering in the stock. place bowl containing stock into an ice bath and cool until the stock begins to take on a jello-like consistency.

using a ladle, fill large ziploc bags with the stock and freeze till needed.

tomorrow... tips on making the best pumpkin pie ever!

i just saw the word boob used as a verb

as in... *ms. x just administered a drive-by boobing of señor y*


anyhoo... busy day today... makin a grip of chicken stock for next thursday. the house just reeks of thanksgiving.

heard from someone for the first time today, thru a comment i left on someone else's blog. there's a new comment down at the entry about the ichthys n'chips car plaque? i should just go ahead and post the url for it while i'm thinkin about it. click the title of this post to visit the site that's sellin em.

i'll post more later. some tips for quality entertaining and menu suggestions for the big meal!

04 November 2005

my first...

one year ago today, i gave and received one of these. yes kids, it's our first anniversary. the traditional gift for the first anniversary is paper... o yes, kids, my favorite kind of gift! the kind that folds! i will, upon request, provide an address for you to send any lovely, foldable gifts. :)

anyhoo... getting married was without a doubt the smartest thing i ever did. wen'l has been the absolute best husband. he rubs my feet whenever i ask, he doesn't give me shit about my continued unemployment... i could go on for days.

i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart mr. sexson. thank you for accepting my proposal, thank you for marrying me that windy november day, thank you for cooking your great big heart out 2 days later so our friends and family could join in our celebration.

thank you most of all for your patience and understanding. you're the best husband a girl could ever hope for. happy anniversary baby.

*smooches and hugs and wotnot*

25 October 2005


tytyty to the angry sicilian! i'm gettin one for me and about half my xmas shopping list!

19 October 2005

o wot a happy day!!!!!

from yahoo! news:

AUSTIN, Texas - A state court issued an arrest warrant on Wednesday for Rep. Tom DeLay, requiring him to appear in Texas for booking on state conspiracy and money laundering charges.


another ganked meme...

(sorry piggyhawk.blogspot.com!)

my answers are the ones that are in BOLD PRINT.

i am bisexual.
i've consumed alcohol.
i've run away from home.
i have lied to my parents about where i am.
i don't like bush because he is dumb.
i don't like bush with my own reasons to back it up.

i am for bush.
i listen to political music.
i collect comic books.
i am shorter than 5'5".
i think i'm ugly.
i shut others out when i'm depressed.
i open up to others easily.
i am keeping a secret from the world.
i watch the news.
i own over 5 rap CDs.
i own an iPod or MP3 player.

i own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 apiece.
i own something from hot topic.
i own something from pac sun.
i own something from the gap.
i own something from abercrombie.
i own something i got on e-bay.
i love disney movies.
i am a sucker for hair/eyes.
i don't kill bugs.
i curse regularly.
i paid for that cell phone ring.
i am a sports fanatic.
i have "x"s in my screen name.
i've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
i love spam.
i bake well.
i would wear pajamas to school.
i have a job.
i love martha stewart.
i am in love with love.
i am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
i am self conscious.
i like to laugh.

i smoke a 1/2 pack a day.
i liked perks of being a wallflower.
i liked go ask alice.
i have cough drops when i'm not sick.
i can't swallow pills.
i can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
i eat fast food weekly.
i have many scars.

i believe in ghosts.
i can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
i am really ticklish.
i bite my nails.
i am comfortable with being me.
i play video games.
i'm single.
i'm in a relationship.
i'm married.
gotten lost in your city.
saw a shooting star.
wished on a shooting star.
saw a meteor shower.
i had a serious surgery.
gone out in public in my pajamas.
i have kissed a stranger.
hugged a stranger.
been in a fist fight.
been arrested.
laughed and had milk or another drink come out of your nose.
pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
made out in an elevator.
swore at your parents.
kicked a guy where it hurts.
been close to love.
been to a casino.
been skydiving.
broken a bone.
skipped school.
saw a therapist.
played spin the bottle.
gotten stitches.
drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
bitten someone.
been to niagara falls.
gotten the chicken pox.
kissed a member of the same sex.

crashed into a friend's car.
been to japan.
ridden in a taxi.
been fired.

ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
stole something from your job.
gone on a blind date.
had a crush on a teacher.
celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
been to europe.
slept with a co-worker.
been married.
gotten divorced.
had children.
been to africa.
driven over 400 miles in one day.
been to canada.
been to mexico.
been on a plane.

seen the rocky horror picture show.
thrown up in a bar.
eaten sushi.
been snowboarding.
been skiing.
met someone in person from the internet.

been to a moto cross show.
gone to college.
graduated college.
done hard drugs.
had someone cheat on you.
miss someone right now.
taken painkillers when you didn't need them.
smoked weed.
snorted cocaine.
ate shrooms.
inhaled nitrous.
been in love.
cheated in a relationship.
woke up crying.
cried yourself to sleep.
peed from laughing.
had sex.
had sex in a car.
had sex in public.
had sex in the shower.
had sex in a sibling's bed.
had sex in a parent's bed.

13 October 2005

ganked from http://piggyhawk.blogspot.com... look, i even left the caps!

and since not capitalizing my responses would look, umm... stoopid?

Favorite Beatles song: "Tomorrow Never Knows"
Favorite solo song by a former Beatle: "Imagine"
Favorite Rolling Stones song: "Gimme Shelter"
Favorite Bob Dylan song: "The Times They Are A Changin"
Favorite Pixies song: "Gigantic" or "Monkey Gone to Heaven"
Favorite Prince song: "When Doves Cry"
Favorite Michael Jackson song: umm... none?
Favorite Metallica song: "Blackened"
Favorite Public Enemy song: "Bring the Noise"
Favorite Depeche Mode song: "World in My Eyes"
Favorite Cure song: "Hot Hot Hot!!!"
Favorite song that most of your friends haven't heard: "Too Many Puppies" by Primus.
Favorite Beastie Boys song: "So Whatcha Want" or "Root Down"
Favorite Police song: "J'aurais Toujours Faim de Toi"
Favorite Sex Pistols song: "Pretty Vacant"
Favorite song from a movie: "Birth Ritual" by Soundgarden ("Singles") or "Wave of Mutilation (the surf one)" by Pixies ("Pump Up the Volume")
Favorite Blondie song: "Dreaming"
Favorite Genesis song: umm... I'm gonna take a pass on this one too.
Favorite Led Zeppelin song: "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You"
Favorite INXS song: "Don't Change"
Favorite Weird Al song: Ya know, I never have understood the appeal of the Weird One.
Favorite Pink Floyd song: "Hey You"
Favorite cover song: "Hallelujah", the Jeff Buckley version.
Favorite dance song: "Stinkfist" by Tool... it's a looooooooong story.
Favorite U2 song: "Drowning Man"
Favorite disco song: "Le Freak" by Chic.
Favorite The Who song: "Baba O'Riley"
Favorite Elton John song: "Daniel" or "Rocket Man"
Favorite Clash song: "I Fought the Law"
Favorite David Bowie song: "Suffragette City"
Favorite Nirvana song: "Come As You Are"
Favorite Snoop Dogg song: "Gin and Juice", but as done by Phish.
Favorite Ice Cube song: "Wrong Nigga to Fuck Wit"
Favorite Johnny Cash song: "Ring of Fire"
Favorite R.E.M. song: "Fall on Me" or "Perfect Circle"
Favorite Elvis song: "Suspicious Minds"
Favorite cheesy-ass country song: "Little Boxes" by Malvina Reynolds.

07 October 2005

28 September 2005

k... i snorted so hard it hurt.

seen in the comments on the *delay indicted* thread on dailykos.com:

* [new]
The plural for "booze" is... (4.00 / 11)

"Bush Family Picnic."

by Jujuree on Wed Sep 28th, 2005 at 09:52:28 PDT

12 September 2005

no text necessary

copyright mike luckovich, 09/04/05, as it originally appeared in the atlanta journal-constitution.

09 September 2005

we're looking for wide-open spaces high above the kitchen

is that a great line or wot?

friday random 10:

1. "world where you live" - crowded house.
2. "j'aurais toujours faim de toi" - the police.
3. "little boxes" - malvina reynolds.
4. "blue rondo ala turk" - dave brubeck.
5. "jesus of suburbia" - green day.
6. "me and julio down by the schoolyard" - paul simon.
7. "vietnow" - rage against the machine.
8. "waiting room" - fugazi.
9. "bring on the dancing horses" - echo and the bunnymen.
10. "welcome to the occupation" - r.e.m.

what could have been

from jj32's diary @ http://dailykos.com

About 140 people - mostly elderly and infirm - arrived Saturday at McGhee Tyson Airport on a chartered mercy flight from hurricane-ravaged New Orleans, welcomed to East Tennessee by a bright sun and a host of medical professionals straining at the reins to help their fellow human beings without regard to whether they were on the clock.

The displaced hurricane victims came to Tennessee on a hastily arranged flight, accompanied by doctors and carrying whatever they had in boxes, bags or, in one case, an old suitcase tied up with rope.

Former Vice President Al Gore arranged the flight and was on board, but he declined to take credit for the airlift, fearing it would be "politicized."

The patients and evacuees arrived aboard an American Airlines MD-80 about 3:15 p.m. The unloading process took almost two hours, as some walked hesitantly down a staircase beneath the rear of the aircraft. Others were rolled down a ramp from the front of the plane to waiting wheelchairs. Personnel from Rural/Metro and the Tennessee Air National Guard volunteered their services, as did others, to get the patients and evacuees loaded onto buses or ambulances for the ride to area hospitals to be assessed medically before going to a Red Cross shelter.

Gore chose not to speak to the assembled media, but he was seen in a black T-shirt and jeans moving rapidly from one side of the plane to the other assisting with the off-loading operation.

fuck i'm angry. how can i not be when all i do is think of everything we could have avoided the last 5+ years? think of all the americans who could have died differently. 9/11/2001 would have been any other september 11th, and almost 3,000 people would have gotten to go home after work. there would have been no war in iraq. close to 2,000 more already who would have been afforded the opportunity to live a long life. hurricane katrina was destiny. if it hadn't been that particular hurricane, it would have been another, but FEMA wouldn't have been folded into a *department of homeland security* and rendered a joke in the process. the budgets for flood control in greater new orleans wouldn't have been decimated. and president gore sure as shit wouldn't have waited damn near a week to get the ball rolling.

no, he would have kept james lee witt around to head that particular cabinet-level department, and its budget wouldn't have been slashed to pay for tax cuts for the obscenely wealthy.

have a good look at the man. does he look groomed for his photo op? uhh... no. he looks like he's spent the last several hours helping to unload an airplane. can you imagine chumpy, erm... chimpy doing that? "but i'll get all sweaty and besides, i only wear hickey freeman!"

i want a president willing to get red in the face for me goddammit! how come it is that so many people in this country voted for the son of a bitch currently occupying 1600 pennsylvania ave, washington d.c. 20050?

son of a bitch, indeed. i'm sure you've all heard about the remarks of chimpy's mom. god, what a fucking cunt! i can just hear her saying "don't let them touch anything and get their poor people's smell all over it!"

that particular pomme didn't fall very far from the tree, now did it?

k... now for the portion of today's installment where i pimp for your ca$h: if you haven't already, or if you have and can afford more, please get yer ass over to http://redcross.org or http://oxfam.org or http://noahswish.org or any other organization providing care and comfort for the victims of that bitch katrina and give em some of yer hard-earned dinero.


31 August 2005

*sigh* $50 ain't enough!

i'm not going to go off on a rant about how the budgets for FEMA and the army corps of engineers were slashed to pay for georgie the infantile's adventures in the middle east and his tax cuts for the obscenely wealthy... but trust me, at some point in the very near future, i will.

for now, i'm just going to say this: if you have even FIVE BUCKS to spare, please click on the title of this post and go donate some fundage to the american red cross. go without your daily starbucks fix for a few days if you have to, but please do it. our government has fucked us over once again, and this is when we open our wallets and do what they should have done.

too many good people have had their lives ruined because of this, and i only wish my finances allowed me to donate more. as they do allow, though, i intend to make additional donations.


p.s. - if you hear anyone say something totally whack like *god sent katrina to get back at the gays*, please do you, me, and them a favor and smack them upside the head, k? ty again.

26 August 2005

real time!

well well... bill maher's on tonite. he's gonna have cindy sheehan on via satellite from crawford, tx.

if you have hbo and you don't see it tonite, try to catch one of the encore presentations.

24 August 2005

bistecca con cipolle arrostite con aceto balsamico

1/4 c plus 1 T olive oil
1 large porterhouse steak, about 1 1/2 lbs and 2-inches thick, at room temperature
salt, preferably gray salt
freshly ground black pepper
3 large red onions
1 T minced garlic
1 T finely chopped fresh thyme leaves
1/4 cubalsamic vinegar

preheat the oven to 450 degrees.

in a heavy skillet over med-hi heat, add 1 T olive oil and heat until very hot. season the steak with salt and pepper. turn on the exhaust fan and put the steak in the pan; stand back to prevent being splattered. cook until the steak is brown on the first side, about 2 mins; brown on the other side. remove the steak to a rack or baking pan until you are ready to finish cooking it. when ready, put the steak into the oven and cook until done to your liking, about 10 mins for rare. remove the steak to a carving board and let it rest for 5 minutes.

peel and cut the onions into thirds or quarters, depending on their size. leave as much root on as possible to keep the wedges from falling apart. heat 1/4 c olive oil in the same skillet used to cook the meat over med-hi heat until hot. add the onions, reduce the heat to med, and cook until brown on all sides, about 5 mins. season them with salt and pepper. place the pan of onions in the oven and roast until tender and very browned (the onions tend to char around the edges), 15 to 20 mins.

remove the onions from the oven, add the garlic, and cook briefly until light brown. add the thyme and stir. add the vinegar (stand back so as to not get splattered) and toss well with the onions. stir and scrape up all the browned bits clinging to the bottom of the pan.

to serve, cut the meat off the bone, then carve it into thin slices. serve immediately.

note: in order to cook the meat in the shortest amount of time and thus extract the most flavor, the meat must be at room temperature. afterward, the meat must rest before carving. if this procedure is followed, the carving knife glides right through the steak.

a 1 1/2 lb porterhouse should give you about 14 oz of meat off the bone, enough for 3 or even 4 people. however, if you are steak lovers, you might want to buy 2 steaks of that size for 4 people.

22 August 2005

philadelphia style vanilla bean ice cream

philadelphia style ice creams are made w/o eggs... that's the only difference really. i used more heavy cream than half and half to make up for the lack of eggs... a decent ice cream has to have a fair amount of fat, especially a homemade ice cream, in order to have proper mouth-feel.

anyhoo... here's the recipe:

2 c half & half
2 3/4 c heavy cream
3/4 c superfine (not powdered) sugar
1 vanilla bean, split and scraped (save the pod and make vanilla sugar with it... it's great for making ice cream or even to put in your coffee)
1 t double-strength vanilla extract
1 t single-strength vanilla extract

combine all ingredients in a large, airtight container and whisk vigorously to dissolve the sugar. stash in your chill chest for an hour or so, then put it in your freezer for about 15 mins to get it good and cold.

meanwhile, prepare your ice cream maker. pour the dairy/sugar/vanilla suspension into the work bowl, and churn 20 mins or so. if you have the type of ice cream maker that i do, an attachment for a kitchen aid stand mixer, when the ice cream has churned for 20 mins or so, turn the power up gradually from stir to about 6 to beat a little more air into your ice cream batter.

place the finished ice cream in an airtight container and ripen in the freezer for at least 6 hrs before eating.


20 August 2005

vanilla bean ice cream

have you ever had homemade ice cream? isn't it the best?

i made some the other day... here's the recipe.

3 c half & half
1 c heavy cream
8 large egg yolks
1 c + 1 T sugar
2 t double strength vanilla extract
1 vanilla bean, split and scraped

place the half-and-half and the heavy cream into a medium saucepan, over medium heat. bring the mixture just to a simmer, stirring occasionally, and remove from the heat. add the inside of the vanilla bean and the scraped pod to the dairy mixture.

in a medium mixing bowl whisk the egg yolks until they lighten in color. gradually add the sugar and whisk to combine, till a ribbon forms when you lift the whisk from the egg yolk and sugar mixture. temper the cream mixture into the eggs and sugar by gradually adding small amounts, until about a third of the cream mixture has been added. pour in the remainder and return the entire mixture to the saucepan and place over low heat. continue to cook, stirring frequently, until the mixture thickens slightly and coats the back of a spoon and reaches 170 to 175 degrees. pour the mixture into a container and allow to sit at room temperature for 30 minutes. stir in the vanilla extract. place the mixture into the refrigerator and once it is cool enough not to form condensation on the lid, cover and store for 4 to 8 hours or until the temperature reaches 40 degrees or below.
pour into an ice cream maker and process according to the manufacturer's directions. this should take approximately 25 to 35 minutes. serve as is for soft serve or freeze for another 3 to 4 hours to allow the ice cream to harden.

click on the title of this post for double strength vanilla extract. it's definitely worth it for this recipe.

18 August 2005

*snort*, *snort*, & *re-snort*

Your IQ Is 140

Your Logical Intelligence is Genius
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius

Your General Knowledge is Genius


well well... my IQ is actually considerably higher than 140, but wtf? click on the title of this post to take the test.

check this shit out!!

Ahh, the good ol' days

by kos

Wed Aug 17th, 2005 at 11:47:32 PDT

Quotes from when Clinton committed troops to Bosnia:

"You can support the troops but not the president." --Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

"Well, I just think it's a bad idea. What's going to happen is they're going to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years." --Joe Scarborough (R-FL)

"Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that may come home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up their life?" --Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/6/99

"[The] President . . . is once again releasing American military might on a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exit strategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation will cost. And he has not informed our nation's armed forces about how long they will be away from home. These strikes do not make for a sound foreign policy." --Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)

"American foreign policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, the administration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreign policy." --Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

"If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain they have a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy." --Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of George W Bush.

"I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning . . I didn't think we had done enough in the diplomatic area." --Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)

"I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that it is often easier to make war than peace. This administration is just learning that lesson right now. The President began this mission with very vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later, these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules of engagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definition of victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There is no clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster our over-extended military. There is no explanation defining what vital national interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for war when the President started this thing, and there still is no plan today" --Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is." --Governor George W. Bush (R-TX)

Funny thing is, we won that war without a single killed in action.


click the title of this post to read the comments posted by dailykos.com readers. do it!!

*lol*... it's freaky how accurate this is!

you are dependable, popular, and observant.

deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.

in fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. you are unique, creative, and expressive. you don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.

and lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

click on the title of this post to take what is indeed the world's shortest personality test.

also, props to the angry sicilian for directing me to the test.

one last thing... kristin from debaucherous and dishevelled is being induced and *knocking wood* monkey will at long last be making his first appearance. cross your fingers that everything goes well for mom & baby.

15 August 2005

compleanno del mio fratello

so... we had my brother over yesterday for brunch. it was his 34th birthday, and it was pretty obvious he'd had a.. um... *intoxicated* evening. sooo... i knew the menu was going to be perfect.

it was him, the hub and i, the parents, and my cousin deb and her mom, my aunt joan. we were fixing eggs benedict with crab cakes instead of back bacon. potatoes da delfina. wen'l made english muffins from scratch *!!!!!*. a cake made with olive oil and citrus zest and almonds with a citrus compote.

i used jumbo eggs in the hollandaise, and didn't count on needing extra lemon juice and probably a bit more fat... so it ended up horrible. tasted great, but it was umm... scrambled? lol the crabcakes were amazing, the potatoes wonderful. there was a definite lemonyness to the meal.

my husband fucking rocks tho! he saved the day by making HIS first hollandaise, and it was the bomb, yo.
i ended up alone in the kitchen when everyone had been served, and i poured a wee splash of vodka into my naked oj.

soo... here's the recipes, in the order you should do them.

english muffins

1/2 cup warm (approx. 110°F) water
1/4 teaspoon sugar
2 teaspoons active dry yeast
1 cup warm (approx. 110°F) milk
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 2/3 cups king arthur unbleached a-p flour (get this if you can... ka flour is all we use around here.)
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup lukewarm water

combine the warm water, sugar and yeast in a large bowl and let sit until foamy. add the warm milk and salt to the yeast mixture, then stir in the flour. beat hard, using an electric mixer, for 5 minutes (this beating, as well as the addition of baking soda just before cooking, will help the finished muffin develop its holes).

cover bowl, set in a warm place, and let batter rise for 3 hours, or until it is very bubbly. don't worry if the batter bubbles up, then falls down; if it does, just proceed to the next step.

dissolve the baking soda in the 1/4 cup lukewarm water, and stir it gently into the batter. let rise again, this time for only 30 minutes.

heat a greased griddle over low heat for 10 minutes. spoon about 1/4 cup of batter on to griddle. tuna cans, well-cleaned and with both ends cut off, are useful in containing the crumpet batter, but not necessary. just set them on your frying surface, being sure to grease well first. nudge into a round shape with the back of a spoon or fork.

let muffins cook 5 to 8 minutes, or until bottoms are golden, then flip over and let the other side cook the same amount of time, removing from pan when both sides are brown.
place muffins on a wire rack to cool. to serve, split muffins with a fork and toast. serve with butter, jam, etc.

olive oil cake with citrus compote

1 1/2 cups a-p flour
2 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
1 c sugar
3 large eggs
2 t orange zest
2 t lemon zest
1/4 c whole milk
3/4 c extra-virgin olive oil
2/3 c sliced almonds, toasted, coarsely crumbled
powdered sugar, for sifting

citrus compote:
2 T grated orange peel
2 T cointreau
3 T sugar
3 oranges, segmented
2 pink grapefruits, segmented

to make the cake: preheat the oven to 350 degrees. lightly oil a 9" cake pan. whisk the flour, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl to blend. using an electric mixer, beat the sugar, eggs, and zests in a large bowl until pale and fluffy. beat in the milk. gradually beat in the oil. add the flour mixture and stir just until blended. stir in the almonds.

transfer the batter to the prepared pan. place cake pan on baking pan to collect any possible spills. bake until a tester inserted into the center of the cake comes out with moist crumbs attached, about 30 minutes. transfer to a rack and cool for 15 minutes. remove cake and place on serving platter, top side up. sift powdered sugar over the cake.

to make the citrus compote: stir the orange peel, cointreau, sugar and 2 tablespoons of accumulated juices from the segmented fruit in a small bowl to blend. cover and let stand 15 minutes for the flavors to blend.

potatoes da delfina

2 lb creamer potatoes (red or yukon gold if possible)
2 T gray salt
peanut oil for frying
2 T extra virgin olive oil
1/4 c chopped garlic
2 t lemon zest
1/4 c chopped fresh parsley

put the potatoes in a large pot with generously salted water to cover. bring to a boil and cook until a knife slips in easily, 15 to 20 minutes. drain the potatoes. when they are cool enough to handle, hold one between your hands as if you were clapping and press gently with the heel of your hand. you want to smash the potato to about a half-inch thickness while keeping it in one piece. the skin will split, but the potato should not fall apart.
repeat with the remaining potatoes. you can prepare the potatoes to this point several hours ahead.

put 1/4" of peanut oil in a large skillet and heat over moderately high heat. when the oil begins to smoke, carefully put the smashed potatoes in the oil and cook on both sides until crisp and well-browned, about 8 to 10 minutes. transfer to paper towels to drain. season with salt and pepper.

while the potatoes cook, combine the parsley and lemon zest in a serving bowl. add to potatoes and stir very gently to combine.

the bigger the pan you use for this, the better. also, the potatoes can be kept warm in a 200 degree oven, uncovered, while you fix the rest of the meal.

hollandaise sauce

4 large egg yolks
1 T freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 c unsalted butter, melted (1 stick)
pinch cayenne
pinch salt

vigorously whisk the egg yolks and lemon juice together in a stainless steel bowl and until the mixture is thickened and doubled in volume. place the bowl over a saucepan containing barely simmering water (or use a double boiler,) the water should not touch the bottom of the bowl. continue to whisk rapidly. be careful not to let the eggs get too hot or they will scramble. take the bowl off the simmering water if it gets too warm as needed.
slowly drizzle in the melted butter and continue to whisk until the sauce is thickened and doubled in volume. remove from heat, whisk in cayenne and salt. Cover and place in a thermos until ready to use for the eggs benedict.

crab cakes

1 lb. lump crab meat (drain VERY well)
1/2 c mayonnaise
1/2 t freshly ground black pepper
1/2 lemon, juiced
2 T chopped fresh parsley
1 bunch green onions, chopped fine (the white part and about 2" of the green part)
1 1/2 + 1/2 c panko bread crumbs
peanut oil, for frying

in a bowl combine the crabmeat, mayonnaise, parsley, green onions, 1/2 c panko and pepper. form into 3-ounce cakes. dredge well in the panko to evenly coat.

pan-fry the cakes in 1" of 375 degree F peanut oil until golden brown and flip to brown on the other side about 3 to 4 minutes per side. drain on a cooling rack on top of a cookie sheet. can be held in oven with potatoes while you poach the eggs.

poached eggs
usu. 2 per person
get a deep 12" or larger pan, and fill about 2/3 the way up the sides with cold water. add 1/4 c white vinegar, and bring to a simmer. when water is barely boiling, crack the eggs and drop into the water, as close to the surface as feels safe. cover and cook 5 mins.
drain well when removing the eggs from the water.

one tip... this is a VERY labor intensive meal. it will require good help (ie, someone who can handle some steps, like my husband and the muffins and hollandaise and basically helping with mise en place for my stuff) if you are making it for more than 2. save this one for a very special occasion if preparing for a crowd.

13 August 2005

yes, i'm an atheist

dear god, hope you get the letter and...
i pray you can make it better down here
i don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer
but all the people that you made in your image
see them starving in the street
'cause they don't get enough to eat from god
i can't believe in you

dear god, sorry to disturb you but...
i feel that i should be heard loud and clear
we all need a big reduction in amount of tears
and all the people that you made in your image
see them fighting in the street
'cause they can't make opinions meet about god
i can't believe in you

did you make disease and the diamond blue?
did you make mankind after we made you?
and the devil too!

dear god don't know if you noticed but...
your name is on a lot of quotes in this book
and us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look
and all the people that you made in your image
still believing that junk is true
well i know it ain't, and so do you

dear god
i can't believe in
i don't believe
i won't believe in heaven or hell
no saints, no sinners, no devil as well
no pearly gates, no thorny crown
you're always letting us humans down
the wars you bring, the babes you drown
those lost at sea and never found
and it's the same the whole world 'round
the hurt I see helps to compound
that father, son and holy ghost
is just somebody's unholy hoax
and if you're up there you'll perceive
that my heart's here upon my sleeve
if there's one thing I don't believe in
it's you
dear god

- "dear god", xtc

12 August 2005

decide yourself... my 100 things

100. am i wrong for thinking bill berry was the heart of r.e.m. and that when he left the band, it was all downhill?

99. my new current mission in life is to find out what the hell a *turd blossom* is.

98. i wonder if oprah winfrey realized the challenge she foisted upon her book club by selecting 3 books by william faulkner for them to read over the summer.

97. i wish the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me was being refused service after business hours @ hermes.

96. speaking of books, i need to buy a few. i think some day next week when i'm bored i'll go buy some. any ideas?

95. i am 6 feet tall and what you might call plump. hell, you might even call it fat. i cannot think of a lousier set of circumstances for the easy procurement of stylish threads.

94. my husband is riding his bike back and forth to work. all told, he's doing like 25 mi a day, 5x a week. i cannot think of anything more motivating to me to get my own ass in shape than to fondle his legs, particularly the parts of his thighs directly above his knees.

93. nice lower bodies on men have always made me swoon.

92. i've been an italophile since i can remember. the language, the history, the food... mostly the food.

91. in fact, i think mario batali is hot.

90. and yes, as a matter of fact, i agree with his opinion that parmigiano-reggiano is the undisputed king of all cheeses.

89. oddly enough, i make my sauce/gravy a little different every time i make it, and it's killer every time.

88. my sexual career started fairly slowly, but i more than made up for it after i hit 30.

87. i am sooooooooo glad i'm out of that now tho.

86. i think being with the same person for the rest of my life (*knockin wood*) is fuckin hot.

85. i took almost 6 years of spanish in school.

84. i say almost cuz i got into it with my professor the 2nd semester of my 6th year and dropped the class. after the withdrawl date had passed, of course.

83. i used to dream in spanish quite regularly, but not for years now.

82. my spanish suffered cuz i think i sound like a dork speaking it. italian is another matter tho. i rock @ italian.

81. i wish i could wrap my head around my husband not liking the clash.

80. this isn't a half-bad way to spend a nicely baked friday afternoon.

79. but it'll probably be a week from tuesday before i actually finish this.

78. when i win the lottery, i'm going to see a 3/4-game series in each park in the major leagues. i'd get to spend like a week in a few really cool towns, like chicago fer instance.

77. i really wish i could sing. well, obviously, i can... i just suck.

76. it would be cool to be the singing chef, i think.

75. have i mentioned i want a show on food tv? thanks to my buddy gilly, who will be cut in on any of my profits to the tune of 10%, i have a schtick (sp?) that i'm currently developing.

74. i'm not too proud to whore for your votes in next year's "so you want to be a food tv star?" contest before i've even submitted an entry.

73. it might not be obvious from reading this piffle, but i have a really big brain. not only am i brillant (and modest), but i have the ability to predict the future. unfortunately, i only see about 30 secs ahead, so i'm pretty much fucked.

72. my tastes in many things are remarkably pedestrian.

71. the funniest song i've ever heard is "debra" by beck.

70. or maybe "gin and juice" by snoop as done by phish.

69. :)

68. i think the pot should be legalized. the latest research suggests there's something like 30,000,000 pot smokers in the united states.

67. i say tax the shit out of it!

66. i'm always thinkin of my fellow man.

65. that much should be obvious by now.

64. i am a girl in one respect: i am totally addicted to coach handbags.

63. i wear more men's clothing than i should. but fuck... it's cheaper for the same thing. i live in shorts and t-shirts basically.

62. life at the airport was much more fun before 9/11. i can't ever fuck at LAX again, so the terrorists have already won.

61. that was a feeble attempt @ snark btw.

60. starbucks coffee almond fudge satisfies the munchies better than anything else.

59. the best date of my life was watching a taping of the bill maher show.

58. i totally dig it that my snortastic husband can pretty much upstage whatever he's watching.

57. i am periodically troubled by lower back pain.

56. when i say lower back pain, i mean i am unable to stand upright for 3 or 4 days.

55. it's like i forget how, and remembering is a bitch and a half.

54. it's now the next friday afternoon, so i figure i'm right on schedule.

53. another way i am a total girl: i love getting my hair done.

52. i like things that feel sorta creepy, and as anyone who's ever had a head full of reynolds wrap can tell you, there's nothing that compares to getting your highlights touched up.

51. i would make a fantastic president, and i share a birthday with our third.

50. according to some birth day (and yes, 2 words) book i read, it's the day of the iconoclast. my life's dream is to live up to it.

49. i made it to age 35 before someone of my generation produced a rock opera.

48. it's my sincere belief that it's one of the best records of my lifetime.

47. i'm a native californian. ever since that record came out, i've had a strange kind of pride at the fact that i was lucky enough to be born here.

46. i know a lot of people in this country think that california pretty much jumped the shark in the 1960's. but if that's true, how come over 10% of the people in this whole fucking country live here?

45. the cuisine of practically every country on earth can be found in the greater los angeles area.

44. i want to go to matsuhisa so bad i could cry.

43. i'm way behind on this thing.

42. what's weird is that i wasn't *tagged*. yes, i'm doing this unbidden.

41. i haven't quite determined how mentally ill that makes me, but i'll share with everyone just as soon as i figure it out.

40. i need to get better at writing about food. hell, i could stand some work in general.

39. i had a teacher in the 11th grade tell me i had enormous potential as a writer.

38. unfortunately, it's all been downhill since then.

37. i know i'm not alone in thinking our president is a traitor.

36. how the motherfucker ever got elected (not re-elected), i'll never know.

35. i had my heart broken by politics last fall. if i hadn't gotten married 2 days after the election, i'd still be obssessing about it.

34. i love my husband more than i thought it possible to love anyone, but whomever said that marriage was hard work wasn't kidding.

33. the whole cooking/cookbook/eventual celebrity on the food network thing is because i am not cut out to be a housewife. so, i'm developing my best task as a housewife... my cooking.

32. i really am a killer cook. try that chicken recipe down there if you don't believe me. i invented that. it's not a variation on someone else's dish.

31. but feel free to play around with the recipe. different mushrooms, red wine and red wine vinegar (but get something good, like cabernet or merlot vinegar... trust me) instead of white, different herbs.

30. getting directv and finally having food network was a revelation, and not because i immediately thought i'd be on it one day. i heard those chefs and cooks say that good ingredients alone would take one's cooking to new heights.

29. the first time i had real parm, the stuff from parma - parmigiano-reggiano - i fell in love with food.

28. it really is that perfect.

27. so's their prosciutto.

26. god i talk about food a lot.

25. if i could figure out how to paint as well as i do quickly, i'd paint the whole house once a year.

24. i like having something new to look at.

23. i'm singing "cornflake girl" by tori amos right now.

22. i might as well take advantage of the fact that wen'l is at work and listen to all the stuff he doesn't like.

21. i think a 4" height difference is optimal.

20. my husband likes lemony vodka cocktails. i think they make him smell like mr. clean.

19. so, he has taken to calling me mrs. green... prolly on account of my drug of choice.

18. i know this list of 100 things really sux, but you know what? tough titties!

17. speaking of titties, i have an extreme aversion to bolt-ons.

16. i would much rather have tiny or floppy ones than a set of aftermarket boobs.

15. which is a good thing, considering i wear a DD bra, and i'm no spring chicken.

14. and i haven't passed the pencil test since high school.

13. my lucky number!

12. yes, i'm grasping at straws, but i only have 11 left now!

11. my recipe for limoncello is simply the world's best.

10. i was a victim of sexual abuse at a very young age.

9. somehow, it didn't destroy my ability to enjoy sex. *praising buddha*

8. i'm not much of a drinker.

7. in fact, i'm a lightweight.

6. which is ironic seeing as i'm anything but light.

5. i sustained a major concussion, complete with coma, 2 months before i started school.

4. the powers that were at mckinley elementary in long beach, california wanted to put me in the second grade sometime during my second week of kindergarten.

3. i bet it would have been the 4th grade if i hadn't landed face first on the 91 tho.

2. fuck... i better make #1 a doozy.

1. did i mention i'd make a kick-ass president?

09 August 2005

a happy accident


k... this afternoon i went to the grocery store seeking one thing... something to have for dinner with some lovely frozen haricots verts that wen'l and i picked up at trader joe's. click on the title of this post to see if you have a trader joe's location near you. if you do, take a few minutes to browse their frozen foods section. you will not be disappointed.

anyhoo... this afternoon i went to vons. i needed to lay in some provisions and pick up a few cleaning items. i got some boneless skinless chicken breasts and some of the house brand rice pilaf. the makings of a lovely summertime dinner i figured, esp if i put a nice lemon juice soak on the chicken before cooking.

turned out i didn't have any lemons, so i had to use some other sort of acid in my marinade, and hence, the happy accident.

pollo alla julia

2-3 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts
3 T champagne vinegar
2 T olive oil
12 cloves garlic, peeled and smashed but not chopped
1 t salt
1/2 freshly ground black pepper
4 T olive oil
1 c dry white wine (i used some chardonnay i had left over from another recipe)
1 c chicken stock (i used the stuff in the big juice box-looking container... kitchen basics i think it's called)
8 oz sliced mushrooms
2 T chopped flat leaf parsley
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 T butter
additional salt and pepper, to taste

2 hrs before cooking, combine champagne vinegar, 2 T olive oil, smashed garlic, salt and pepper in a gallon size ziptop bag. add chicken and massage thoroughly to coat. stash in chill chest till you're ready to cook.

preheat oven to 400 degrees. heat 3 T olive oil in a large, oven-safe saute pan over med-hi heat. sear chicken in batches till golden brown and delicious, about 3 min per side and remove to a plate. heat 1 T olive oil in another saute pan over med-hi heat. add mushrooms and shake to coat with oil. if the mushrooms look a little dry, add a bit more oil. saute till GB&D, and add parsley and garlic. remove from heat.

when all the chicken is seared, add it all back to the large pan you used and put in the oven for about 20 mins. when it's done in the oven, remove the pan and put it back on the stove. remove the chicken to a platter and add the wine. use a wooden spoon to scrape up all the lovely bits stuck to the pan, and reduce by 50%. add the chicken stock, stir and reduce again by 50%. add the butter, and allow to reduce slightly before adding the mushrooms, parsley and garlic. taste for salt and pepper.

spoon this lovely pan sauce over the now well-rested chicken breasts and enjoy!

p.s. - you've probably heard this before, but DO NOT cook with a wine you wouldn't enjoy drinking. lots of perfectly acceptable wines can be had for as little as $2 a bottle (snaps to 2 buck chuck).

01 August 2005


President Bush gets off the helicopter in front of the White House carrying a baby pig under each arm.

The Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir."

The President replies: "These are not pigs, these are authentic Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one for Vice-President Cheney, and I got one for Defense Secretary Rumsfeld."

The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Nice trade, sir."

27 July 2005

odio andare al ginecologo

la vita è a volte realmente difficile. ho un appuntamento sulla mattina di venerdì con il ginecologo. devo avere un esame pelvico prima che ottenga i 9 mesi restanti della mia prescrizione per le pillole di controllo di nascita. desidero che ci era un certo senso impedire le pillole di controllo di nascita di gravidanza è la meno scelta d'aggravamento ho, ma hanno alcuni effetti secondari terribili graziosi. il mio libido non è che cosa dovrebbe essere i miei atteggiamenti è piuttosto più instabile.

il controllo di nascita di nonhormonal è un dolore ancora più grande nel retto, comunque non sono un ventilatore di inserimento degli oggetti stranieri nella mia vagina o utero ed ho letto gli studi che indicano che determinati componente di sperma dell'uomo sono favorevoli all'umore della donna. così ovviamente, i condoms sono inammissibili.

mi domando perchè la pillola maschio di controllo di nascita è stata "assente cinque anni" per come venti anni ora che cosa dà? perchè non sono quei ricercatori che prendono più seriamente questa materia? penso che sia soltanto giusto che gli uomini dovrebbero fare le loro colpire parti più riservate e esaminato una volta all'anno, non? significo, il mio marito inoltre non desidera i bambini e sarebbe più di felice di assumere le responsabilità contraccettive, ma la scienza medica moderna non lo lascerà!

su una nota più chiara, i john roberts, primo (e eventualmente soltanto) nominee del cespuglio alla corte suprema, apparentemente conduce un *pt cruiser* ora definitivamente conosco che non desidero l'uomo essere confermato quegli automobili sono parti totali di merda.

25 July 2005

tonight's dinner.....

chicken with 40 cloves of garlic
40 cloves of garlic
12 chicken thighs
kosher salt
freshly ground black pepper
1 T unsalted butter
2 T olive oil
2 c dry white wine
1 T fresh thyme leaves
4 T all-purpose flour
4 T heavy cream

dry the chicken with paper towels. season liberally with salt and pepper on both sides. heat the butter and oil in a large pot or dutch oven over medium-high heat. in batches, saute the chicken in the fat, skin side down first, until nicely browned, about 3 to 5 minutes on each side. turn with tongs or a spatula; you don't want to pierce the skin with a fork. if the fat is burning, turn the heat down to medium. when a batch is done, transfer it to a plate and continue to saute all the chicken in batches. remove the last chicken to the plate and add all of the garlic to the pot. lower the heat and saute for 5 to 10 minutes, turning often, until evenly browned. add the wine, return to a boil, and scrape the brown bits from the bottom of the pan. return the chicken to the pot with the juices and sprinkle with the thyme leaves. cover and simmer over the lowest heat for about 30 minutes, until all the chicken is done.

remove the chicken to a platter and cover with aluminum foil to keep warm. in a small bowl, whisk together 1/2 cup of the sauce and the flour and then whisk it back into the sauce in the pot. raise the heat, add the cream, and boil for 3 minutes. add salt and pepper, to taste. pour the sauce and the garlic over the chicken and serve hot.

i'm serving it with orzo with mushrooms and garlic.

8 oz sliced mushrooms
2 T olive oil
1 T chopped fresh thyme
2 cloves garlic, minced
salt and pepper
1 lb orzo

saute mushrooms in olive oil in 4-5 qt. pot over med-high heat. when they're about half done, add the garlic, thyme, salt and pepper. stir through, and cook 3 mins more. remove from pan and set aside. add 3-4 qt of water, turn heat to high, and bring water to a boil. when water is boiling rapidly, add 2 T salt and the package of orzo. cook 9-10 minutes, drain and return to the pot. add mushroom mixture and 2 T olive oil, and taste for seasoning. if necessary, add additional salt and pepper. stir till heated through and well combined.

it was the bomb, yo! and the price per serving is about $2 if you can get the chicken thighs on sale. i highly recommend. :)

in a world of human wreckage...

when i'm lost and i'm found and i can't touch the ground
i'm plowed into the sound

will i wake up some dream i made up
no i guess it's reality

- "plowed", sponge

that's my honey. he makes a mean rustic and crusty loaf. :)
that's a big loaf of bread, too. my honey's a big guy, tho... 6'4" and meaty. i love his butt.

the kitchen is no longer white btw. the cabinets got a coat of paint too, and i did a striae effect thingy with glaze. i should post pics of all the home improvements i tackled in the lead-up to our nuptials last november. i think if the whole food network host/cookbook magnate thing doesn't work out, i could always fall back on hgtv.

anyhoo... i'm off the point i thought i was going to be making today. i'm married. i love my husband very much. but sometimes being married is sooooooooo not fun. hell, even being shacked up with someone is no fun. i know. we lived together for a year before we jumped the broom. it's the living together that's so damn hard. the constant exposure to the shit that annoys you, but not enough to make you say/do anything about it... till it blows up and explodes in a manner completely out of proportion to the problem(s).

that's how we fight anyway. most of the time i love him to pieces and couldn't imagine myself being any happier, and sometimes i want to find something that will hurt but not inflict too much damage and bash him a couple times with it.

i hate the feeling of being totally worn out the next day too. our fights don't get loud anymore, but they drag out for hours sometimes. he interrogates me and i clam up much the same as the criminal usually administered such. he's not going to get anything out of me, not a damn thing. he needs to learn this, and let me cool down. i will deal with anything so long as i have my wits about me. i cannot think, let alone speak sometimes.

*sigh* i need advice people, esp from those of you who come across this who have marriages with some legs. you know, you've managed to make it work? i love my husband. i want to get real old with him. and i don't want this bullshit to keep happening.

keep in mind, when i say bullshit, a majority of it IS mine. my husband is much better at some stuff, like not letting things get to him. i mean, i get a migraine every time i drive more than 5 miles. i shit you not. i get wound up way too tight sometimes. he's not ever been guilty of that. i don't sweat big stuff, but the little shit? omfg... i'm all over it. except for his. i bottle up more of it than i should. let things slide when perhaps i shouldn't.

my question is this: how do i express myself on that sort of occasion without nagging?

gawd. i sed i've never post something this personal and now i have.

22 July 2005


k... i'm sure i've mentioned this before, but i'm an atheist.

as of today, tho, i believe in hell. it's the whole united states. yes, i know coastal northern california, oregon and washington as well as a decent-sized chunk of new england are not sweltering.

i don't know what the fuck the rest of us did to piss of the weather god tho. look at that fucking map!!!

i wish i had one for the lo temps too. cuz i bet none of them are any too low right now.

i wish a week or so in eureka were possible at the moment. the high temp there today was 64. plus, there's lots of good microbrew and herbal refreshments in the area.


21 July 2005

show us how you really feel chimpy!

ugh, i can't really get on him about the bird, but that giggle at the end?

did dubya get shoved outta the short bus or what?

20 July 2005

smoked spanish paprika

try clicking on the title of this post. it will lend a smoky, succulent goodness to any rub for your summer BBQ'in needs.

penzey's has the most wonderful spices, dried herbs and extracts ever, yo. i'm totally serious. when i get the urge to do some baking, my husband has to leave the room. cuz it's like he automatically gets sprung when i break out the cinnamon and double-strength vanilla.

if their stuff will do that to someone's penis, imagine what it'll do to yer cookies!

19 July 2005

k... the real point is...

what in the FUCK is the chicago tribune doing putting crap like this (see below) on the fucking front page?!? like... if THIS is what you have to get outraged about, there's something seriously fucked with your priorities.

isn't there a traitor in the white house to proctologize, erm... investigate??

liberal media my ass!
from http://news.yahoo.com:

A photo of Northwestern University's national championship women's lacrosse team, taken during the athletes' visit to the White House last week, shows four of the nine women in the front row wearing flip-flop sandals along with their dresses and skirts.
The choice of footwear has prompted a mini-controversy — a flip-flop flap, if you will.
A front-page story in the Chicago Tribune included the headline "YOU WORE FLIP-FLOPS TO THE WHITE HOUSE?!" inspired by an e-mail sent to player Kate Darmody from her older brother after he saw the photo on the team's Web site.
Family members of other players expressed similar dismay, insisting the summer footwear staple was too casual for a visit with the president.
"Don't even ask me about the flip-flops," said the mother of player Aly Josephs. "It mortified me."

does this look casual to you? it's a Giuseppe Zanotti FLIP-FLOP, sold at http://neimanmarcus.com. it retails for $395.00. i wish i had a pair, so i could throw one at one of the people who were bitching about this.

it ain't the humidity, it's the heat

k... i was reading one of my usual blogs this morning, http://lifeinthesuburbs.blogspot.com/, and lemme tell you, all you peeps back east and down south... sure humidity's a bitch (we've had relative humidity %'s of near 70% lately, which might not sound like much to you, but it's about 3x the norm for candyass california), but i wish to fucking god that y'all would get over the idea that *dry* heat is any better.

if you don't believe me, try going to phoenix sometime... do a little running or bicycling around town. during the daytime. and then tell me if 120° temps and 10% relative humidity are a pleasant combination.

having experienced weather that dry, i know they're not. i know my skin and hair have all the life sucked out of them, to the point where my (short!) hair looks fried and my skin itches from the constant salt crust and eventually it cracks and bleeds. i get nosebleeds from the lack of moisture in the air. AND... you try drinking 2+ gallons of fluids day after day so you don't get dehydrated JUST FROM BREATHING.

i'm sure the bored housewife in utah knows of which i speak. it sucks all conceivable ass to walk out the front door of your house, walk the 30 feet to your car and have your lungs scorched and screaming by the time you get there.

yes, i know humidity sucks. i know all about the frizzy hair. hell, when it's humid my hair not only gets frizzy it gets flat too! i know all about the layer of ooze on your skin that will not go away. i also know taking a cool shower only works for about 5 minutes after it's over, and then you're right back where you started. i know i know i know!

but i will not be held accountable the next time i hear someone say that dry heat is preferable to wet, especially when they live in a part of the country that never experiences the other extreme.

17 July 2005

wal-mart comes through!

Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item -- Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, Calif., to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, RI. She said: "The right name is important."

So, here we go -- The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:

12. Chateau Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Walmart "Merde du Pays"
7. NASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux (my personal fave... wot's yours?)
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau Des Moines
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling

And the number 1 name, for Wal-Mart Wine:
1. Nasti Spumante

16 July 2005

three words...

smoked spanish paprika..

i'll tell you why tomorrow.

file under: out of the mouths of babes

President Bush visits a primary school classroom. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks President Bush if he would like to lead the discussion of the word 'tragedy.' So the president asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him that would be a 'tragedy'."

"No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains President Bush. "That's what we would call a 'great loss'."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice, he says: "If Air Force One carrying you, Mr. President, were struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a 'tragedy'."

"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a 'tragedy'?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it certainly wouldn't be a 'great loss', and it probably wouldn't be an 'accident' either."