13 February 2010

my bad.

yeah, i know... i suck.

but fuckit. this blog is still here, and i haven't posted in like 2 months. been a crap couple of months. my grandma died 3 weeks ago, and i'm smoking again. i need to get my head right and quit that filthy fucking habit before it costs me anymore money. it's already cost me my ability to smoke my big, beautiful bong comfortably. being a returning member of the no-lung clan sucks all conceivable ass, you know?

so. the weather is incredible today. i think the high was about 75°. sunny. a little smoggy too, but given how ache-free i feel i am not going to bitch. that's another thing that chaps my ass. i'm not exactly old, but i'm old enough to ache all fucking over when it's cold and damp. add that to the seasonal affective disorder my mom saw fit to pass on to me, and i fucking hate winter. but the days are getting longer, and when the weather is like this, i feel 10 years younger. i bet i'd feel awesome if i weighed what i did back then.

so that's my next project. i want to get down to what i weighed when i was 31. one thing i know for sure is that i am not going to be able to lose weight just by altering my diet anymore. yeah, another example of getting older sucking... my metabolism took a big shit all over itself when i turned 40, and then it did it again when i quit smoking. i am huffing away again and i've noticed my clothes getting a little looser on me. which means to lose weight while being a non-smoker is going to involve lots of fucking exercise.

i actually should weigh less than i did 10 years ago, but perhaps it won't seem so daunting if i break it up into smaller goals.

11 December 2009

*tap tap*

is this thing still on?

so it's a dreary, cloudy, wishitwouldfuckingrainalready kind of day. that means i'm listening to primarily british music, typically sung by tenors with a penchant for falsetto. i think listening to music like this is actually the reason i don't lose my shit on days like this.

see, i'm one of those dipshits that doesn't do well without lots of sunlight. it's totally genetic btw. anyhow, today is not the natural state of things here in california. here, even when it's "cold" (and before ya get all in a snit, i've felt wind chills in the 20's right here in greater los angeles) it's usually sunny. we get a lot more sunlight here than most people. konagod said austin gets all "seattley" in the winter. i've been in seattle in the winter. it's just like it is here today.

ahh. an american. but one with an amazing voice. cee-lo green. and fuckit. i'm going to listen to this whole album. "st. elsewhere" . if you don't have it you should be ashamed of yourself. too many people made out like "crazy" was all this band had to say. and granted, that song is perfection.. but it's not even my favorite song on the record.

you see, everybody is somebody
but nobody wants to be themselves
and if i ever wanted to understand me
i have to talk to someone else

anyhoo, i have some shit i need to get done while we're getting a break from the rain, so i'm out.

11 September 2009

short 4 teeth

i do not miss my 3rd molars. i had them yanked a week ago. i still have vicodin left. the oral surgeon gave me 16. i hit them pretty hard for a couple days, and i haven't had one since wednesday at this point.

i also found out i really kinda like being knocked out on purpose. i got 2 drugs, i.v. versed and fentanyl. i don't remember going under. i came to about 10 minutes before it was over, and i didn't give a shit. of course, i couldn't feel a thing anyway. they shot me up like a motherfuck with novacaine too. that wearing off was the shittiest thing about the whole experience.

i think i'm healing up really well. i got some stitches, that i think have dissolved by now. i can't feel them anymore, anyway. i wonder how much easier this would have gone when they started to come in. i was 28 when i got my wisdom teeth. i *barely* had the room for them. the upper 2 were in sad fuckin shape, and they had to go. the bottom 2 never fully erupted, and they'd been a bitch in their own way the whole time.

i had insurance then. i haven't had insurance for just over 2 years now. the insurance i did have denied the claim i submitted to have this done 3½ years ago. o, they were pathological alright. i saw them. i praise the flying spaghetti monster that my other 28 teeth are in fine shape.

anyhoo, something has occurred to me: wen'l and i are doing some very serious investigating into moving to australia. like, immigration policy has been well-researched. the employment situation has been looked into. their pm has made some moves which are encouraging, like adding a certain number of green jobs. wen'ls skill set is rather unique. there aren't enough people already there to handle the increased work load.

sorry for rambling, but i'm waaaaaaaaay hi. i've become a much cheaper date in the ganj dept. the thing that's occurred to me is this: i have to write a book and get it published before we get out of here. i need to do this so i can have a wee book tour and meet a few peeps i've come across on my virtual travels. it'd be sweet getting to do it on someone else's dime, too.

k i gotta bounce.

15 August 2009

isn't she purdy?

got this for wen'l. eventually we won't be living with my bro anymore. when that happens, wen'l would have been w/o a guitar. the one he's been playing belongs to my brother, see? it was our late cousin stephen's axe.

couldn't have wen'l be w/o a guitar. so, while i knew money was ok, i went ahead and bought one.

and yes, that's the back of my head. lol

19 July 2009

another thing...

they're predicting 20' surf at the wedge later this week. all south facing beaches are going to have large surf. i might have to go have a look.

scratch that

well, fuck me dead. please disregard my last post.

the house is in foreclosure. not because of anything i did, mind you. my dad has a heloc on this place. he hasn't made a payment on it since last october. so, the bofa said enough is enough. understandable, right?

thing is, we didn't find out from him. we found out because wen'l decided to open a piece of mail marked "resident". i never open that shit. it's how we found out about this foreclosure. my dad probably wouldn't have told us about it until we had a week to be out of here, and i'd have kept paying the goddamned mortgage in the meantime.

the real kicker, however, is this - he's declared bankruptcy. he had to borrow the money from my brother to do it. my mother left him about $400k when she died, three years ago today. add the aforementioned heloc, and he's burned through approximately $450k in those three years, plus fuck knows how much more debt that i have no idea about. she also left him the sole owner of this house, which at the time she died probably would have sold for about $600k. if he'd sold it then, and he knew he was going to move to michigan before she died probably, he'd have walked with about $350k.

i praise the fsm that i didn't get his head for $. my brother got a wee bit of his impulsiveness, but it hasn't cost him anything, really. and i definitely didn't get it. i drive a 13 year old car with 134,000 miles on it. i've babied it its whole life, and *knocking wood* i'll get a few more years out of it. i'd like to pay cash for my next car, or at least have a huge down payment and get the thing paid off in like 2 years.

the bankruptcy could potentially buy us some more time in this house. i need to somehow impress it upon my father that he needs to let things drag out a bit. it could potentially be a year (well, a year from 06.29.09 anyway), with me paying no mortgage. i'd be sitting on a pile from that. moving would be painless and i'd have a nice rainy day fund AND a high def tv. so keep your fingers crossed, k?

speaking of electronics, wen'l cashed in his cisco rewards points on a ps3. :D not even all of them, actually. the next "purchase" will be a nikon digital slr. i cannot wait.

05 July 2009

another round of home improvement

so i've decided to undertake some projects around the house. i don't even own this dump and lord the work i've done on it! anyway, i'm going to paint the bedroom. the amount of light that room gets is just insane for most of the day, and while the room is pretty small, i'm going dark on the walls. i mean really dark. i bought paint today. a valspar color called *crucible*. i'm hoping that it will suck up all the light in that room and make it easier to be in there. plus, it'll look really rich on the walls. i love what dark, zero sheen paint looks like.

i'll get that done this week, and then next weekend i'll get the trim and ceiling (and closet! it needs it bad!) done.

and then even more painting!

02 July 2009


so i've been listening to a lot of oingo boingo lately."wild sex (in the working class)" is probably my favorite tune. oddly enough, i was really into them right from the beginning. i don't know how many of you out there (all 3 of you... lol) are aware of a radio station here in LA called KROQ. well, back in the day it fucking ROCKED. the police, r.e.m., u2, i can't tell you all the bands i heard for the first time on KROQ.

anyway, back to the mystic knights of the oingo boingo... i think my introduction to them was around 1980. it was party music. some of it was a larf riot. the thing that strikes me now is how well-crafted a shitload of these tunes were. plus, they had a horn section and broke out the xylophone on many occasions. those things alone make them totally kick-ass.

what got me in this frame of mind was hearing them during the fade to commercial on mike malloy's radio show. i was on my way home from target, and there it was. so i came home and dug out the cd. i probably hadn't touched it even since the last time i took all the cd's out of their holders and cleaned them. (i really should take a pic of this thing on the wall behind me... ikea's dirigent, and they don't make it anymore, the fucking bastards!) anyhoo, it makes me think i should rip everything i own and get rid of the hard copies. *lol*

"and i may be greasing the wheels in a noisy factory
oh, i may be hunched over metal machines
watching the gears as they move
just reminds me of bodies in motion
the sweat and the sound"

- "wild sex (in the working class)", oingo boingo

so now i'm listening to orbital. i like the cadence of this song for typing.

i think i'm going to tell wen'l to start leaving the guitar here during the day. i think i am going to give it a try too. even though i'll be forced to keep my fingernails short, which in my case is no small feat. i guess i should be glad that my circulation is so good, eh? i use my fingers a lot, and my fingernails grow wicked fast. like, they're practically to the quick right now. in about 10 days, they'd be a quarter inch past the ends of my fingers. to keep them this short, i gotta file them every couple days.

but, my brain needs a challenge, and i can't afford rosetta stone at the moment.

18 May 2009


i finally talked to my dad's wife. it's probably a sign of my immaturity to have the word stepmother bounce around my brain so unpleasantly. i actually think i might like her, and it's still weird to hear "my stepmother" in my mind when i think about her.

she called my brother, actually. i just wanted to say hello, and ended up talking to her for like 45 minutes. about my dad mostly. i didn't blog about what he's been going through, but i'll give the cliffs notes here: he ended up in the hospital. one totally dead kidney, and the other about to fail. the dead one's been needing to come out for like 2 years, but he had other shit to do... like sturgis and a "bike" ride to florida and stuff.

and this time, he was like a day from death before he could be convinced to go to the emergency room, at a legit hospital and not the one in his podunk hometown. he needs to lose 40 more lbs, he needs to cooperate with his nephrologist, he needs to get real about his diet. he's doing none of these things, and went so far as to rip out his own fucking foley. doc says he'll be on dialysis in a matter of months unless he shapes up.

i talked to him once when he was in the hospital. he apologized to me for the way he's been behaving towards me since my mom died. for dumping the shit in my lap that he did. i had to let him go (a doc needed to give him a poke somewhere), and it was a good thing. i was too floored to go on.

anyway, he's not getting his shit together. kelly (that would be the sm) called joel to ask him to give dad a call. when she got me on the phone, she asked me to do the same thing. i'm wondering how i'm supposed to accomplish all this without it coming off like i'm telling him what to do. she wants more years out of him than it looks like he's got in him, and i can understand feeling that way about a husband. but the shit she told me about him, and the way he is, is so completely unreal to me. why'd we have to get the years with him we did if to her, he's gonna be all that and a bag of chips?

i got issues. enough to offer subscriptions. i'd like some answers while i still have a parent alive to give them to me. not so i can judge him for those answers, which is the thing i'll never get through to him. the older i get, the simpler the thing that makes things make sense. just knowing why would help immensely.

i'll tell you one thing: when i heard people had been after him for weeks to go to the damn doctor, i wanted to kick him in the balls. my mom did that once, and it almost killed her too - it was a hernia gone extremely bad - he gave her a total ration of shit. but now that she's gone, he gets to be all la-di-da about making my brother and i parentless?

i want to make this call. i'd like to extend his olive branch back to him. what do i say?

14 May 2009

a new (to me) computer

so wen'l calls me from work the other day. do i want an apple? apparently, his boss's kid got a new notebook and offered the old (this) one to us.

it's the last iteration of the iBook G4. i read gripes about the iBook on the internet, but this is the most stable computer i've ever used. i'm definitely sold. the design is elegant and spare. everything on the internet looks so much better. sites like tastespotting.com are breathtaking.

i just wish that they weren't so fucking expensive. 

19 April 2009

k this is ridic...

also, i haven't had a smoke since last sunday. :)

12 April 2009

still 39 dammit

well for about an hour and 50 minutes anyway. ain't it a bitch that i have to turn 40 on a monday?

anyhoo, we had a few peeps over for dinner tonight. carnitas and margaritas and a cake that gave me a belly ache. apparently i am too old for pastries that rich.

got some kick-ass swag. my darling wen'l got me "message in a box", the complete recordings of the police and a pair of silver earrings from coach. they're little peace signs, and i've had my eye on them forever. he's the kind of guy who files things away for future reference. i love that about him.

my auntie dee got me a watch. alas, it was a bit too small, so we're going to hook up later in the week and go get me a different one.

julianne and erik got me a gift card for bed, bath and beyond. it'll be fun figuring out what to get with it. :)

my brother got me a bevmo! gift card and 2 pair of kicks from his company, creative recreation. one's a pair of white high tops. the other ones i've had my eye on for months... he gets free shooz every season, and these other ones are from their hi-end line which is made in italy. he'd been yanking my chain about how he couldn't get the italian sneaks. they're carried at barney's and retail for $345 a pair. how fucking cool is it that my first pair of italian shooz is a pair of sneakers! they're suede and have hidden laces, and apparently i could get a grip for them on ebay. but fuck that! they're the first shoes in like 10 years other than flip-flops or birkenstocks i actually want to wear.

and... probably my biggest present i won't get till tomorrow. it's a present i'm giving myself. i am going to quit smoking tomorrow. well, actually i'm going to stop smoking in about an hour, when i have my last (HOPEFULLY!!!!) cigarette. i've got nicotine gum, and i'm going to use it. i'm going to sweat this out and get off the damn things. i'm going to have oral surgery before too much longer, and i've heard that dry sockets are worse than the pain of the actual extraction.

besides, my mom died of lung cancer. and i love my husband and i want to be with him for as long as i fucking can be, and smoking isn't compatible with a long life.

wish me luck kids!

15 March 2009

BBC's 100 Books (?)

Saw this on Tense Teacher's website. I've bolded the ones I've read.

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D’Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones’s Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81.The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight’s Children, Salman Rushdie

I kinda agree with TT. This list is a bit too heavy on the Brits.

05 March 2009

not feeling it

really, i'm not.

i've got about 5 weeks of being 39 left. i've decided i'm going to bite off more than i can chew during those 5 weeks, and i'm going to get off the coke. my friends, i have an atrocious coca-cola habit. seriously. i'd lose 3 lbs a week just not consuming all that HFCS.

i am going to find a store that's got kosher for passover coke, though and stock up.

i've also got some shit i'd like to get done around the house. first, i'd like to repaint the kitchen cabinets. i've got enough white paint to more than do the job. it's just that i don't want to paint them white. i'd actually like to paint the uppers a different color than the lowers. i just don't want to invest that kinda dough. not my house, and i've spent enough on it lately. i know they'll look a whole lot better shiny-ish white than they do right now.

it's like when the granite countertops had just been done, and the walls were this nasty yellow (that i would have never ever picked) and it was affecting my ability to cook. i shit you not, the clash made me ill. the granite's sorta taupe, white and black mostly. there's some gray too, obviously. i wanna paint the cabinets a really dark gray. sorta charcoal. i wonder what a tube of lamp black pigment goes for.

anyhoo, i'm having a party. i'm making the invites even. i'll post a pic of one, and if you see it, consider yourself invited.

15 January 2009

i hate packing

and i hope i don't end up regretting car-tripping with my aunt dolores. she, wen'l and i are headed for small-town northern california this weekend for a 50th anniversary party.

we hosted my aunt and the happy couple for dinner about a year ago (and got shitty drunk with them!), and wen'l and i vowed to make it to the fiesta this year. until about 2 weeks ago, it looked as though we wouldn't be able to make it... but shortly before xmas, my aunt said she was thinking about going... would i like to go with, she doesn't like traveling alone, etc. well, it ended up being the three of us when all the plans were made.

apparently, she can be a bear to travel with. she gets lost frequently and doesn't take direction well. lovely combo, eh? i'm going to cut her a bunch of slack, but i'm going to try to make it so i'm the one doing the driving north of slackamento.

i'm leaving my brother a clean house (how nice of me, no?). i'll finish packing as soon as wen'l gets home and picks out some shoes. i think we're going to have pizza for dinner tonight. she's supposed to get here somewhere between 6:00 and 6:30 tomorrow morning. she was thinking we'd leave after our traffic died down, but that would put us square in the teeth of slackto's rush hour (which apparently can be a bitch). praise jeebus she would listen to reason, and we're leaving before our traffic.

anyhoo... i'm hoping it'll be a lovely weekend.

o! one more thing! if you're in dire need of luggage (as we were, seeing as my father ganked ours when he moved to michigan... lovely weather they're having!), hit your local discount retailer, a la ross, marshall's, etc. i got a big, like i'll have to check it on an airplane big, samsonite suitcase that was originally like $250 for a tick under $60. nothing wrong with it. i went over it with a fine-tooth comb before i bought it. it was obviously overstock somewhere. and what a screaming bargain, no?

27 November 2008

the holiday table

will be groaning under the weight of tonight's feast. which is:

roasted turkey breast (w/ oil and herbs and wot not under the crispy skin)
sourdough sausage stuffing (not in the bird tho, that's a hospital trip waiting to happen)
my figure-friendly mashed potatoes (ha! heavy cream and butter?)
wild mushroom gravy (made w/ chicken stock i made myself!)
butter-braised baby brussels sprouts
cranberry sauce (see my previous post... the black pepper is the making of it, trust)
butterflake rolls
pumpkin pie w/ maple whipped cream

yeah... i'll be eating nothing but salad for a few days probably.

i hope you and yours have a lovely meal, wonderful conversation, and a long list of things to be thankful for.

much to be thankful for

i've seen people list ten things they're thankful for.

1. i'm thankful i've had wendell in my life for five and a half years. life has made sense in a way it didn't before i knew him. there's been lots to get through, and we've brought out the best in each other.

2. i'm thankful that i can laugh so hard i can't breathe. it happened last night. my brother came along for the ride. we were gonna invent a gluten-free tofu turducken. turns out it's call a tofucken and it HAS to have gluten. but thanks for the smoke stef!

3. i'm thankful that someone with half a brain won the election on the 4th. i'm also glad he's been doing a press conference or fireside chat every day lately. the country needs assurance right now, and our current occupant's only official activity yesterday was pardoning the damn turkey.

4. i'm thankful i have my health. oh, i've whined aplenty lately about my various ailments (and i'm adding arthritis to the mix... my right knee's been causing me grief lately), but i'm really fine. no major problems, and i could have a grip of them with the genes i inherited.

5. i'm thankful i've finally worked up the nerve to quit smoking. smoking killed my mother at 62. i have a marriage that isn't miserable and i'd like to get to live as long with wendell as my mom was stuck with my dad. they were married almost 39 years. that'd make me 74, and that's not long enough.

6. i'm thankful i learned the trick about adding just a wee bit of black pepper to my cranberry sauce. that and vanilla, again just a skosh.. like a capful. oh, and grand marnier. or cointreau. but especially the pepper. going back to the shit in the can that jiggles isn't an option.

7. i'm thankful my brother has decided he likes brussels sprouts.

8. i'm thankful the house hasn't fallen in on us. there's any number of things wrong with this place, shit that should have been dealt with before it was (re)listed. if it sold it wouldn't pass an inspection. but it's still here, even with the wind and shit we've had lately, and for that i'm thankful.

9. i am thankful that my dad lives in michigan. i don't have to explain that one, do i?

10. i'm thankful i still have my three loyal readers. they're all people i'd have a beer with if they didn't live at least 2,000 miles away... have a beer and listen to some tunes... perhaps burn one. they provoke me in ways they'll never know. make me think things i might not have otherwise. stretching out is good for more than just the body.