11 July 2008

title not necessary

this was a ? on a bulletin posted on myspace by my cousin halie:

17. I've come to realize that my dad...is and has never been around or involved resulting in us not trying either!

i could have answered the same way. another ? was something like "i've come to realize my mom...." . she answered "a saint". her mom might just be, considering how very normal and well-adjusted halie seems. i don't think i'd be answering that one the same way. my mom was most definitely mortal. she did a bunch of things she should have regretted if she didn't.

"normal" to me ended up being really twisted and kind of sick. passive-aggressive. unsupportive. neglectful. i learned it was all ok. it was ok that people treated me like shit. it was ok if they were nonexistent and uninvolved. it was ok if all the love and kindness in a relationship originated with me.

mind you, i ended up getting out of my relationship with her what i needed. it took her getting cancer and coming thisfuckingclose to dying for me to get it. we had the relationship i'd needed for the last 9 years she lived. i bet she'd say that was the best phase for her too.

i've never had the relationship i needed (or even wanted, for that matter) with my father, and i never will. believe me, i've tried. all my life it's seemed like one thing or another was more important to him than i was, and when that thing ended up being his precious harley davidsons, i threw in the towel. the man wasn't even going to inform me of his impending nuptials until my brother guilted him into it. can you believe that shit? in his eyes, i was supposed to find out about it when the invite showed up in the mail, 4 days before the blessed event!

this uninvolved, uninterested thing is something that runs in the family. i think i might have a touch of it myself. i do not stay in touch with both sides of my family as well as i should. i think finding halie on myspace and seeing just a bit of who she's become is what finally made me uncomfortable with my uninvolvement. praise the psm for technology, eh?

i think july 11th is as good a day to make a resolution as january 1st, so i'm going to resolve to call a few peeps more often, and email the ones i can much more often.

10 July 2008

well.. i'm sposed to be writing something more pleasant than i did yesterday.

i did have a rather pleasant surprise when i was out doing some errands about an hour ago. the cheap arco up on the corner has gone down another $.02/gal on gas. i put $40 in the tank on tuesday and paid $4.33/gal and now it's $4.31. too bad i didn't wait a couple days to gas up, no? the tank wasn't empty or anything, but i figured it would start going back up again, so i gassed the beast. and now it's gone down again.

are they trying to placate us, now that we all know that mcsame and all his ilk have no idea how much a gallon of gas costs? one wonders if they know the price of everything has gone up, not just gas, but anything that requires schlepping around in a vehicle of any kind (see yesterday's post about the poor ppl's french store).

it was even muggier here today, and more than one weather-related website is saying we might get t-storms the next couple days. wtF?! i'm already sweatin gallons, yo! too bad i can't figure out how to run my car on it!

did some work on the house today. both the funky bathrooms. i repurposed some knickknacks i had, and started working on the soon-to-be-rehabbed living room. i need to get to home depot and pick up some paint chips.

lastly, i need your help! one of my best pals and her family has moved into a new place (in IRVINE!! *hurling for her*), and i'm at a loss as to what to get her for a housewarming present. wen'l and i went all out when they got their very first place (like the gifts came in that blue box that sets girls' hearts all atwitter), so i'm wanting to be a little less grand this time. if any of you have a suggestion, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

09 July 2008

no babies smiled at me today!

god did tarjjjjjjjjjjjjay ever suck today. i had to get some tp, swiffer crap, and assorted other nonperishables. the parking lot was a zoo. i should have just gone on to the grocery store and gotten the tp (the only thing i was actually out of), but oh no! dipshit me had to find a spot and go inside. i don't know about your local poor people's french store, but mine is trying to conserve electricity by not keeping the thermostat turned down so low. add to that the humidity. for real, it's like a portly man's crotch around here lately. and, throw in a store packed with other sweaty motherfuckers. the back of my head was dripping when i finally got out.

somehow i managed to spend almost $75. i bought some swiffer wet doojies, the pads for the swiffer mop, 8 rolls of tp, granite countertop spray, stainless steel spray and dish soap. oh, and a copy of dwell. i love me some shelter mags. that's another story though.

we're so fucked. i've noticed that everything has gone up in price. just a bit, mind you, but a bit nonetheless. the same cart of shit cost me about $5 less a couple months ago, and i shop a lot. every fucking cart is costing me at least $5 more. add to that the truly obscene amount a tank of gas is costing me these days, and i bet i'm spending a good $300 a month more than i'd like to. mind you, i don't have any debt, but i'd like to be putting at least half the money i'm spending but not wanting to to better fucking use! savings, roth iras, whatever.

and... on a slightly unrelated subject... i'm still pissed at sen. obama. why does he have to be such a spineless wimp about this fisa shit? and why isn't it also frying his ass that it's poking far too many holes in the 4th amendment? i'd set up an automatic donation thingy that i had to undo because of that shit. i'm going to protest his dipshittery with my pocketbook. perhaps i'll throw some more $ at him when i calm down. even considering my current need to slap some sense into him, i realize he needs to get elected in november. no way can that old man with the cancer on the side of his face (cuz come on.. what IS that lump on the left side of his face?) get handed that job. i have a cousin who's already been to iraq that'll be back in country within the next couple weeks. his tour's sposed to be like 15 months. and now the iraqis themselves are saying there needs to be a timetable. the shit needs to be over with, and not yesterday. like 1897 yesterdays ago.

k, that's my rant for the week. i'll bb tomorrow with something more pleasant, k?

sorry Eden, but i heart snakes

i got this from Eden. if you're looking at it, you're tagged!

Accent: None. Californians don't have one.
Breakfast or no breakfast: That depends. If someone else is making it, sure! If not, then normally I don't partake.
Chore I don’t care for: Cleaning the bathrooms. Two men live in this house. Try to imagine the amount of body hair that can accumulate. Also, keep in mind I tidy up the shitters about 2x/week. The hair and the toilets make me wanna barf.
Dog or Cat: Dog. I loathe cats.
Essential Electronics: Cell phone, puter, 60” of tasty hi-def goodness, PS3.
Favorite Cologne: Acqua di Parma. I love how it smells, all citrus-y and slightly soapy. Chanel Allure Sensuelle. I can't really explain the smell of that one though. And, oddly enough, Acqua di Gio for men. I like the broads' version of it fine, but the dudes' is even more delicious. On occasion I sneak some of my bro's. I figure it's only fair since I introduced him to it and it's his sig. scent now.
Gold or Silver: Platinum?
Handbag I carry most often: My birthday bag (see below!).
Insomnia: Not normally, but sometimes. Depends on whether I spoke to my father that day or not.
Job Title: DG!
Kids: No thanks!
Living Arrangements: I live with my husband and my brother in my father's house. Cheap rent is cheap rent, kids. The 3 of us split the smallish mortgage on the place, and it makes sense w/ Wen'ls commute.
Most Admirable Trait: My ability to tell people some truth they don't want to hear but need to hear anyway.
Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: I wish I'd had some naughty childhood behavior. Perhaps it would have been a happier childhood if I had.
Overnight hospital stays: Concussion-induced coma in 1974. 72-hr observation in 1986. I wasn't crazy enough for them to keep me any longer than that. *lol*
Phobias: I don't know if it's exactly a phobia or not, but... I have vertigo and whenever I'm on a bridge of any length, I get all panic-y. The Richmond Bridge in the Bay Area was almost my undoing once. What's weird is I went over the Golden Gate on the same trip with no ill effects.
Quote: “The ink of a scholar is worth a thousand times more than the blood of a martyr.” - Lupe Fiasco
Reason to smile: Wen'l getting home from work, ANY baby smiling at me (hey, just cuz I don't want one doesn't mean I'm immune to their charms!), the sun and an ocean breeze.
Siblings: A half brother I've never met (try to guess which of my parents spawned him! *lol*) and the bro I live w/.
Time I wake up: Whenever the hell I want!
Unusual Talent or Skill: I paint well. Rather, I copy other people's shit really well.
Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Any that's overcooked. If they're not cooked to death, I'll eat any veggie.
Worst Habit: I smoke. My second worst habit is that I keep threatening to quit and have yet to.
X-rays: Oh, I've had a few. My last was a chest x-ray. The doc was afraid I might have pneumonia. Before that, it was my lower back.
Yummy Stuff: Boeuf bourguignon (waaaaaaaaay too hot for that these days!), tacos de carnitas, any ice cream that involves chocolate and/or coffee, tarte tatin, mac n cheese, spaghetti alla carbonara, homemade pizza.
Zoo Animal I Like Most: I love snakes, and they always have the big ones at the zoo!

04 July 2008

independence day

i do love this country. i love it in spite of hating it sometimes, as though it were a person.

i know it has a heart like one, and i know it isn't just in the midwest or in the south, no matter how much some people in those parts of the country would like the rest of us to believe.

i wish sen. obama would stop tracking so hard to the center. he should be remembering to dance with who brung him, you know? but i realize he'd about 10x better than what we have now, and better than mccain could ever think of being. at least obama realizes this country does best when people like you and me aren't struggling under the weight of our ever-increasing expenditures. when our wages aren't stagnant. trickle down economics has been proven to be a joke. trickle UP economics works though.

i just wish our collective first impulse wasn't to take our newfound wealth and sink it into mcmansions in the burbs, and big cars and more stuff that we'll have to find cabinet space for, you know?

anyway, happy 232nd birthday america.

01 July 2008

troo dat

got this in an email from my aunt. came very close to spraying my monitor with iced coffee when i saw it.