decide yourself... my 100 things

100. am i wrong for thinking bill berry was the heart of r.e.m. and that when he left the band, it was all downhill?

99. my new current mission in life is to find out what the hell a *turd blossom* is.

98. i wonder if oprah winfrey realized the challenge she foisted upon her book club by selecting 3 books by william faulkner for them to read over the summer.

97. i wish the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me was being refused service after business hours @ hermes.

96. speaking of books, i need to buy a few. i think some day next week when i'm bored i'll go buy some. any ideas?

95. i am 6 feet tall and what you might call plump. hell, you might even call it fat. i cannot think of a lousier set of circumstances for the easy procurement of stylish threads.

94. my husband is riding his bike back and forth to work. all told, he's doing like 25 mi a day, 5x a week. i cannot think of anything more motivating to me to get my own ass in shape than to fondle his legs, particularly the parts of his thighs directly above his knees.

93. nice lower bodies on men have always made me swoon.

92. i've been an italophile since i can remember. the language, the history, the food... mostly the food.

91. in fact, i think mario batali is hot.

90. and yes, as a matter of fact, i agree with his opinion that parmigiano-reggiano is the undisputed king of all cheeses.

89. oddly enough, i make my sauce/gravy a little different every time i make it, and it's killer every time.

88. my sexual career started fairly slowly, but i more than made up for it after i hit 30.

87. i am sooooooooo glad i'm out of that now tho.

86. i think being with the same person for the rest of my life (*knockin wood*) is fuckin hot.

85. i took almost 6 years of spanish in school.

84. i say almost cuz i got into it with my professor the 2nd semester of my 6th year and dropped the class. after the withdrawl date had passed, of course.

83. i used to dream in spanish quite regularly, but not for years now.

82. my spanish suffered cuz i think i sound like a dork speaking it. italian is another matter tho. i rock @ italian.

81. i wish i could wrap my head around my husband not liking the clash.

80. this isn't a half-bad way to spend a nicely baked friday afternoon.

79. but it'll probably be a week from tuesday before i actually finish this.

78. when i win the lottery, i'm going to see a 3/4-game series in each park in the major leagues. i'd get to spend like a week in a few really cool towns, like chicago fer instance.

77. i really wish i could sing. well, obviously, i can... i just suck.

76. it would be cool to be the singing chef, i think.

75. have i mentioned i want a show on food tv? thanks to my buddy gilly, who will be cut in on any of my profits to the tune of 10%, i have a schtick (sp?) that i'm currently developing.

74. i'm not too proud to whore for your votes in next year's "so you want to be a food tv star?" contest before i've even submitted an entry.

73. it might not be obvious from reading this piffle, but i have a really big brain. not only am i brillant (and modest), but i have the ability to predict the future. unfortunately, i only see about 30 secs ahead, so i'm pretty much fucked.

72. my tastes in many things are remarkably pedestrian.

71. the funniest song i've ever heard is "debra" by beck.

70. or maybe "gin and juice" by snoop as done by phish.

69. :)

68. i think the pot should be legalized. the latest research suggests there's something like 30,000,000 pot smokers in the united states.

67. i say tax the shit out of it!

66. i'm always thinkin of my fellow man.

65. that much should be obvious by now.

64. i am a girl in one respect: i am totally addicted to coach handbags.

63. i wear more men's clothing than i should. but fuck... it's cheaper for the same thing. i live in shorts and t-shirts basically.

62. life at the airport was much more fun before 9/11. i can't ever fuck at LAX again, so the terrorists have already won.

61. that was a feeble attempt @ snark btw.

60. starbucks coffee almond fudge satisfies the munchies better than anything else.

59. the best date of my life was watching a taping of the bill maher show.

58. i totally dig it that my snortastic husband can pretty much upstage whatever he's watching.

57. i am periodically troubled by lower back pain.

56. when i say lower back pain, i mean i am unable to stand upright for 3 or 4 days.

55. it's like i forget how, and remembering is a bitch and a half.

54. it's now the next friday afternoon, so i figure i'm right on schedule.

53. another way i am a total girl: i love getting my hair done.

52. i like things that feel sorta creepy, and as anyone who's ever had a head full of reynolds wrap can tell you, there's nothing that compares to getting your highlights touched up.

51. i would make a fantastic president, and i share a birthday with our third.

50. according to some birth day (and yes, 2 words) book i read, it's the day of the iconoclast. my life's dream is to live up to it.

49. i made it to age 35 before someone of my generation produced a rock opera.

48. it's my sincere belief that it's one of the best records of my lifetime.

47. i'm a native californian. ever since that record came out, i've had a strange kind of pride at the fact that i was lucky enough to be born here.

46. i know a lot of people in this country think that california pretty much jumped the shark in the 1960's. but if that's true, how come over 10% of the people in this whole fucking country live here?

45. the cuisine of practically every country on earth can be found in the greater los angeles area.

44. i want to go to matsuhisa so bad i could cry.

43. i'm way behind on this thing.

42. what's weird is that i wasn't *tagged*. yes, i'm doing this unbidden.

41. i haven't quite determined how mentally ill that makes me, but i'll share with everyone just as soon as i figure it out.

40. i need to get better at writing about food. hell, i could stand some work in general.

39. i had a teacher in the 11th grade tell me i had enormous potential as a writer.

38. unfortunately, it's all been downhill since then.

37. i know i'm not alone in thinking our president is a traitor.

36. how the motherfucker ever got elected (not re-elected), i'll never know.

35. i had my heart broken by politics last fall. if i hadn't gotten married 2 days after the election, i'd still be obssessing about it.

34. i love my husband more than i thought it possible to love anyone, but whomever said that marriage was hard work wasn't kidding.

33. the whole cooking/cookbook/eventual celebrity on the food network thing is because i am not cut out to be a housewife. so, i'm developing my best task as a housewife... my cooking.

32. i really am a killer cook. try that chicken recipe down there if you don't believe me. i invented that. it's not a variation on someone else's dish.

31. but feel free to play around with the recipe. different mushrooms, red wine and red wine vinegar (but get something good, like cabernet or merlot vinegar... trust me) instead of white, different herbs.

30. getting directv and finally having food network was a revelation, and not because i immediately thought i'd be on it one day. i heard those chefs and cooks say that good ingredients alone would take one's cooking to new heights.

29. the first time i had real parm, the stuff from parma - parmigiano-reggiano - i fell in love with food.

28. it really is that perfect.

27. so's their prosciutto.

26. god i talk about food a lot.

25. if i could figure out how to paint as well as i do quickly, i'd paint the whole house once a year.

24. i like having something new to look at.

23. i'm singing "cornflake girl" by tori amos right now.

22. i might as well take advantage of the fact that wen'l is at work and listen to all the stuff he doesn't like.

21. i think a 4" height difference is optimal.

20. my husband likes lemony vodka cocktails. i think they make him smell like mr. clean.

19. so, he has taken to calling me mrs. green... prolly on account of my drug of choice.

18. i know this list of 100 things really sux, but you know what? tough titties!

17. speaking of titties, i have an extreme aversion to bolt-ons.

16. i would much rather have tiny or floppy ones than a set of aftermarket boobs.

15. which is a good thing, considering i wear a DD bra, and i'm no spring chicken.

14. and i haven't passed the pencil test since high school.

13. my lucky number!

12. yes, i'm grasping at straws, but i only have 11 left now!

11. my recipe for limoncello is simply the world's best.

10. i was a victim of sexual abuse at a very young age.

9. somehow, it didn't destroy my ability to enjoy sex. *praising buddha*

8. i'm not much of a drinker.

7. in fact, i'm a lightweight.

6. which is ironic seeing as i'm anything but light.

5. i sustained a major concussion, complete with coma, 2 months before i started school.

4. the powers that were at mckinley elementary in long beach, california wanted to put me in the second grade sometime during my second week of kindergarten.

3. i bet it would have been the 4th grade if i hadn't landed face first on the 91 tho.

2. fuck... i better make #1 a doozy.

1. did i mention i'd make a kick-ass president?