25 July 2005

in a world of human wreckage...

when i'm lost and i'm found and i can't touch the ground
i'm plowed into the sound

will i wake up some dream i made up
no i guess it's reality

- "plowed", sponge

that's my honey. he makes a mean rustic and crusty loaf. :)
that's a big loaf of bread, too. my honey's a big guy, tho... 6'4" and meaty. i love his butt.

the kitchen is no longer white btw. the cabinets got a coat of paint too, and i did a striae effect thingy with glaze. i should post pics of all the home improvements i tackled in the lead-up to our nuptials last november. i think if the whole food network host/cookbook magnate thing doesn't work out, i could always fall back on hgtv.

anyhoo... i'm off the point i thought i was going to be making today. i'm married. i love my husband very much. but sometimes being married is sooooooooo not fun. hell, even being shacked up with someone is no fun. i know. we lived together for a year before we jumped the broom. it's the living together that's so damn hard. the constant exposure to the shit that annoys you, but not enough to make you say/do anything about it... till it blows up and explodes in a manner completely out of proportion to the problem(s).

that's how we fight anyway. most of the time i love him to pieces and couldn't imagine myself being any happier, and sometimes i want to find something that will hurt but not inflict too much damage and bash him a couple times with it.

i hate the feeling of being totally worn out the next day too. our fights don't get loud anymore, but they drag out for hours sometimes. he interrogates me and i clam up much the same as the criminal usually administered such. he's not going to get anything out of me, not a damn thing. he needs to learn this, and let me cool down. i will deal with anything so long as i have my wits about me. i cannot think, let alone speak sometimes.

*sigh* i need advice people, esp from those of you who come across this who have marriages with some legs. you know, you've managed to make it work? i love my husband. i want to get real old with him. and i don't want this bullshit to keep happening.

keep in mind, when i say bullshit, a majority of it IS mine. my husband is much better at some stuff, like not letting things get to him. i mean, i get a migraine every time i drive more than 5 miles. i shit you not. i get wound up way too tight sometimes. he's not ever been guilty of that. i don't sweat big stuff, but the little shit? omfg... i'm all over it. except for his. i bottle up more of it than i should. let things slide when perhaps i shouldn't.

my question is this: how do i express myself on that sort of occasion without nagging?

gawd. i sed i've never post something this personal and now i have.


the girl next door said...

i'm certainly the last person to give marital advice, but something did come to me that might help... maybe some time when you are both cooled off, sane and not in the mood to argue, you might sit down and come up with some "rules" for when you disagree. like, one rule might be for a cooling off period before either party speaks, maybe this would get rid of that interrogation problem because it would allow you both to go to your own separate corners and figure out exactly what the problem is that you want to talk about? i don't know babes... it's just an idea, but it might keep things from getting heated where he wants to question and you want to clam up. a time out period might alleviate that. i KNOW you love this man and i KNOW he loves you, so maybe "rules of engagement" set before hand out of that love might make things a little better. *big hugs*

Anonymous said...

Fight fair. No name calling and keep it on topic. And count to 10 before you say anything. 20 if it is really hurtful.

Also, talk about this when you are not fighting. It helps to lay ground rules before doing battle.

Colleen (married 10 years - 31 yo)

The Dung Beetle said...

Your marriage sounds remarkably similar to mine.

I have no advice to offer, but since I'm the male half of my own union, perhaps i can provide you with a smidget of insight on the male perspective?

I'll be paaking at your blog from time to time.

The Dung Beetle said...

I'll be "peeking" at your blog, that is. I hate it when folks randomly move my keys around my keyboard.