25 July 2005
in a world of human wreckage...
when i'm lost and i'm found and i can't touch the ground
i'm plowed into the sound
will i wake up some dream i made up
no i guess it's reality
- "plowed", sponge
that's my honey. he makes a mean rustic and crusty loaf. :)
that's a big loaf of bread, too. my honey's a big guy, tho... 6'4" and meaty. i love his butt.
the kitchen is no longer white btw. the cabinets got a coat of paint too, and i did a striae effect thingy with glaze. i should post pics of all the home improvements i tackled in the lead-up to our nuptials last november. i think if the whole food network host/cookbook magnate thing doesn't work out, i could always fall back on hgtv.
anyhoo... i'm off the point i thought i was going to be making today. i'm married. i love my husband very much. but sometimes being married is sooooooooo not fun. hell, even being shacked up with someone is no fun. i know. we lived together for a year before we jumped the broom. it's the living together that's so damn hard. the constant exposure to the shit that annoys you, but not enough to make you say/do anything about it... till it blows up and explodes in a manner completely out of proportion to the problem(s).
that's how we fight anyway. most of the time i love him to pieces and couldn't imagine myself being any happier, and sometimes i want to find something that will hurt but not inflict too much damage and bash him a couple times with it.
i hate the feeling of being totally worn out the next day too. our fights don't get loud anymore, but they drag out for hours sometimes. he interrogates me and i clam up much the same as the criminal usually administered such. he's not going to get anything out of me, not a damn thing. he needs to learn this, and let me cool down. i will deal with anything so long as i have my wits about me. i cannot think, let alone speak sometimes.
*sigh* i need advice people, esp from those of you who come across this who have marriages with some legs. you know, you've managed to make it work? i love my husband. i want to get real old with him. and i don't want this bullshit to keep happening.
keep in mind, when i say bullshit, a majority of it IS mine. my husband is much better at some stuff, like not letting things get to him. i mean, i get a migraine every time i drive more than 5 miles. i shit you not. i get wound up way too tight sometimes. he's not ever been guilty of that. i don't sweat big stuff, but the little shit? omfg... i'm all over it. except for his. i bottle up more of it than i should. let things slide when perhaps i shouldn't.
my question is this: how do i express myself on that sort of occasion without nagging?
gawd. i sed i've never post something this personal and now i have.