i'm gonna make homemade mayo...

with this:

i just got it from amazon.com for $149.99 with a $20 rebate and free shipping.

we have the old-skool 11-cup model in *empire red*. it needs many replacement parts. the work bowl is getting all cracked up and the lid's kinda trashed too, among other things. probably $100 worth all told.

so for another $30, we're gonna have a whole new food processor. :)

another thing...

so i took a trip to BevMo! today. bought that (see above). now i'm imaginin all the kick-ass stuff i can make with it. amaretto ice cream. amaretto cheesecake. amaretto french toast.

i guess it's no surprise i'm on the portly side, eh?

i also got some hoity-toity old-timey pop. boylan's grape soda is the shiznit. and san pellegrino limonata makes a delightful cocktail, esp when you have a bit of limoncello to mix in. mmm.. limoncello cheesecake.

fuck.. i'll be makin dessert all weekend.

no subject redux

the soupe l'oignon survived its stay in the freezer quite well. i should have gone a little easier on the cognac i added to it, or let it cook a little longer though. it was a bit, umm.. boozy.

hell, who am i kidding? we all eat french onion soup for the cheese anyway.

no subject

i heart new herbal refreshments. if i weren't so sure the nsa is keeping an eye on me, i'd post a pic of it. there's a nug in here well over ¼oz. :)

i really should have a prescription for this shit. i have these ungodly headaches once in awhile, the result of a head injury i sustained over 30 yrs ago. they come complete with scintillating scotoma. it's my aura that makes me wanna barf, not the headache. and pot is the only thing that helps.

acourse, i like smoking it for its nonmedicinal purposes too. i'll wait while you roll your eyes. :)

dad's met someone back in the hinterlands. i had to go to the dmv for the fuckwit yet again. i'd love to go upside his head.

we're having french onion soup for dinner. it was in the freezer. i hope it survived its stay there.

a recipe!

you better have some skillz if you think you're going to try this recipe. having a stand mixer wouldn't hurt either.

i know most cooks don't bake, and most bakers don't cook... but i could be either. all baking is is measuring properly and in the case of this recipe below, knowing how to not overwork your batter/dough.

chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream frosting:

2 t baking soda
1 t baking powder
1 t kosher salt
1 c buttermilk, shaken
½ c vegetable oil
2 extra-large eggs, at room temperature
1 t pure vanilla extract
1 c freshly brewed espresso
chocolate buttercream, recipe follows


preheat the oven to 350° F. butter 2 (8 or 9 inch) round cake pans. line with parchment paper, then butter and flour the pans. sift the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, and salt into the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment and mix on low speed until combined. in another bowl, combine the buttermilk, oil, eggs, and vanilla. with the mixer on low speed, slowly add the wet ingredients to the dry. with mixer still on low, add the coffee and stir just to combine, scraping the bottom of the bowl with a rubber spatula. pour the batter into the prepared pans and bake for 30 to 40 min, until a cake tester comes out clean. if you're using 9" pans, you'll definitely want to check them after 30 min. cool in the pans for 30 min, then turn them out onto a cooling rack and cool completely.

place 1 layer, flat side up, on a plate or cake stand. with a knife or offset spatula, spread the top with frosting. place the second layer on top, rounded side up, and spread the frosting evenly on the top and sides of the cake.

chocolate buttercream:
6 oz good semisweet chocolate (recommended: callebaut, valhrona or scharffen berger)
½ lb (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 extra-large egg yolk, at room temperature
1 t vanilla
1¼ cups sifted confectioners' sugar
1 T instant coffee powder (i use medaglia d'oro instant espresso powder)


chop the chocolate into fairly small placesand place it in a heat-proof bowl set over a pan of just simmering water. stir until just melted and set aside until cooled to room temperature.

in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter on medium-high speed until light yellow and fluffy, about 3 min. add the egg yolk and vanilla and continue beating for 3 min. turn the mixer to low, gradually add the confectioners' sugar, then beat at medium speed, scraping down the bowl as necessary, until smooth and creamy. dissolve the coffee powder in 2 t of hot tap water. on low speed, add the chocolate and coffee to the butter mixture and mix until blended. don't whip! spread immediately on the cooled cake.

tongue-bath worthy pins

i been threatening to do this for a long time now...

happy mother's day

i'm not a mom. never going to be a mom. don't have one anymore either. :(

but i hope any of you out there who are moms have a wonderful day today, surrounded by the people who love you.

i'm a &%$#@! genius, yo!

i ganked this from eden (so anyway... on the blogroll fyi):

a cooling trend...

(AP photo)

let's hope it continues. it's been hellishly hot here the last few days. yesterday broke the century mark here in da OC.

makes me sick to see griffith park burning. AGAIN. apparently, this fire was started by some jackass that tossed a still smoldering cigarette butt out the window of his/her automobile. i smoke. i don't ever ditch my butts out the window. this sort of shit is what happens when one does that in so cal. i imagine this isn't the last time a fire will be started this year by this method. the hillsides are fucking crispy already from our lack of rain, and this kind of fire is fucking avoidable goddammit!

anyhoo, after weeks of no interest, i've got someone coming to look at the house tomorrow. time to get off my sorry ass and get back to the apartment hunt. i don't know quite what the deal is with the places i've been looking, but i think one needs a fico score in excess of 800 to get into any of them. even the place we looked at over in *rose park*. there was a dude behind what would have been our stairs smoking crack. !!

um, if my fico score was in excess of 800 and i could afford the fuckin rents these clowns think they can charge, i'd fuckin buy a place! as it is, i can only afford the rent.

how is it that someone in debt up to their eyeballs (who makes only the minimum payments on any of it) has no problem renting a place but someone who has NO credit card debt gets hosed?

fucked up society we live in, eh?

again, from konagod

I am: -3% Republican.

"You're a damn Commie! Where's Tailgunner Joe when we need him?"

Are You A Republican?

love your mother

happy 4/20 bitches!

*ROTFPMSL*

yet another meme

I ganked this from Konagod. Click the title of this post to check out his blog!

1. How tall are you barefoot?
Six feet.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Hell to the no!

3. Do you own a gun?
Again, hell to the no.(!)

4. Who's your best friend?
My husband.

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"?
It was "parent", and no.

6. What music are you embarrassed to admit that you listen to?
Actually, I don't listen to anything that embarrasses me.

7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
It isn't actually an XMAS tune, but "2000 Miles" by The Pretenders.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
A good cuppa joe.

9. Can you do push-ups?
Not if my life depended on it.

10. Why does one question always disappear?
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" That's what Kelly and Konagod said. I can't think of a better answer.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring.

12. Do you like painkillers?
For breakfast, lunch and dinner!

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
My big brain. Or my prodigious cooking skills.

14. Do you own a knife?
I own several actually. I prefer Wüstof.

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
I am like the anti-A.D.D.

16. Middle Name?
Diane.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
Why isn't this spliff kicking in?
Why can't I find a fucking apartment already?
Does wanting a footrub tonight when I got one last night make me a greedy bitch?

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
Dinner tonight, a blended from It's a Grind, and smokes, in that order.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Coke, coffee, San Pellegrino Limonata.

20. What time did you wake up today?
About 9:15.

22. Current worry?
That this fucking house will sell before I can find an apartment!

23. Current hate?
Same as it's been since January of 2001... The Prezteldent.

24. Favourite place to be?
Wherever Wen'l happens to be.

25. Least favourite place to be?
Anywhere near Wen'ls office. Irvine can suck my dick.

26. Where would you like to go?
Besides Long Beach, to my new crib? I'd like to go back to Napa.

27. Do you own slippers?
Ayup. A well-worn pair of UGGs.

28. What shirt are you wearing?
A gray t-shirt.

29. Do you burn or tan?
I tan eventually.

30. Favorite colour(s)?
Blue-black. (Props to Mr. Ries, my 11th grade English teacher)

31. Would you be a pirate?
Um, I think my bum wheels would preclude that as a career choice.

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
A week and a half ago. I had a rum and coke.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
O man, my ears couldn't take it.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Oddly enough, I didn't develop that kind of fear till I was an adult.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
No pockets. I'm wearing a pair of lounge-y type shorts.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Michael Chiarello getting *pazzo* on Napa Style, about green ketchup.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
What, like you had Frette linens as a kid?

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
A concussion that rendered me comatose.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Two. Only one has TiVo though, so it's the only one that gets used.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
My friends are all on the quiet side.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
None of them are actually silent however.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Does my husband count?

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
Nope. I live in the greater L.A. area. Can't see em to wish on em.

45. What is your favourite book?
"A Confederacy of Dunces" by John Kennedy Toole.

46. What is your favorite candy?
Perugina Baci!

47. What song do you want played at your wedding?
Already got married. Everything I wanted to hear got heard.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I'm not going to have a funeral, per se. I want everyone who knew me/loved me to throw one hell of a party though, and they can play whatever they want.

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Doing a crossword, trying to get to sleep.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
Is today the day I find home?

apartment hunting sucks

long beach palms @ sunset

i've decided i want to live in bluff heights over in long beach. it's a neighborhood about 1 sq mi in size, and leafy and full of craftsman bungaloes. wen'l and i looked at a place over there this afternoon, and i'm still swooning but trying to tell myself that i'm not going to get it. i think my not working doesn't look real good, and unfortunately i don't have the time to also find a job.

it's hard out there. our choice of neighborhoods is pretty much limited to the southeastern part of town, right along the ocean. the rents on places i've looked at range from $975 to $1500. the low end of that is because i stupidly started my search looking for a 1 bedroom place. i've pretty much come to the conclusion since that we kinda have to have a 2 bedroom. several have greatly exceeded my expectations, but all but 2 were the 1 bedrooms i started with. tiny tiny places with all the period architecture one would expect in this part of town. the floors in a couple of them have just taken my breath away. heart pine makes me swoon.

anyway, it's gonna be a task and ½ to find a place i'm afraid. and then we have to pass muster thru the financial portion of the enterprise. salaries are pretty high around these parts. having 2 in the household would definitely be preferable. neither of us has the best credit in the world (you try being unemployed for a couple years sometimes. it sucks worse than anything short of losing someone close to you.) certain things will become luxuries, and that's alright with me. and, i'm finally gonna quit smoking. no one will allow you to smoke inside the property anymore, and if i were unlazy enough to go outside to smoke now, i'd be doing it.

we all know how badly i need to quit. i need lots of fresh starts, namely a semi-estrangement of indeterminate length with my father. it will be very good for me to not have to deal with him anymore. he's moving to arizona allegedly, and that's more miles than i'd drive to visit him.

the thing i don't quite have figured out yet is if i'd go any more often if my mom was still alive and making this move. i can't quite get over being angry with her. all the crap she allowed to go unchecked with boberto that's currently biting me on the ass. the man has no idea how to pay his bills. checks will be bouncing, things will be late.. i don't think i'm the only person in the world who taught herself to be financially responsible (which is currently also biting me in the ass... my credit problems are not having enough of it. i don't believe in credit cards, but that's another story...). i just figured if i couldn't pay cash for something, i didn't need it.

i live pretty well, but i live well within my means. my grandma and my aunt gripe are the only 2 people i know of on that side of the family that have any sort of grasp on that concept.

fuck... well i feel better having gotten some shit off my chest, but i think it's time to go watch some tivo and have a cocktail. boylan's sugar cane cola (remember what coke was like back in the day? it's like that.) and cruzan estate dark rum. life is too fucking short to drink cheap booze.

card catalog generator

click on the title of this post to make yer own!

snaps to eden @ http://piggyhawk.wordpress.com for directing me to make my own :)

more food porn

cookies!! cool disher, no?

the hardest picture i've ever taken.

golden brown and delicious!

virtual dna

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

he still has his chops

k i didn't bake this lovely loaf of sesame semolina bread, but it was so purdy that i just had to post a pic.

i won't torture you with the recipe or the procedure... hell, i barely understand how sourdough bread works myself, and i live with the world's bestest amateur baker. suffice it to say, this was the best version of this particular loaf ever.

so, w/o further ado:

sesame semolina loaf, version 2.0

a boy and his bread

can you see why i'll never do the atkins diet? and... can you see why i proposed? i'm gonna cook him a lovely breakfast tomorrow morning, and this is gonna make the best damn toast!

what i SHOULD be doing

right now is posting the recipe for the penne alla pecoraio i made last night.

hammer and the sickle, the news is at a trickle
the commissars are fickle but the stockpile grows
bombers keep acoming, engines softly humming
the stars and stripes are running for their own big show
another little flare up, storm brewed in a tea cup
imagine any mix up and the lot would go
nothing ever happens, nothing really matters
no one ever tells me so what am I to know

"read about it", midnight oil
(hirst/moginie/garrett)

what i am doing right now is sitting here sort of ashamed. ashamed that i live in the so-called first world. we keep perpetrating the same bullshit. this time it's the iraqis' turn. i'm sure the cambodians know exactly how they feel.

how many times does this have to happen before we make it stop? and exactly how many of us actually know what's going on in the world? or give a fuck about it? and why is it i haven't given up, seeing that i do? on both counts.

i keep hoping enough of us will say no more. haven't we got enough problems right the fuck here? kids are getting a shittier education than ever, you know. the kids that will be paying for your health care. do you really want to entrust your life to someone who learned nothing more than how to pass some standardized test? that's what will happen you know. there won't be many of them making the big bucks, therefore not kicking up a lot for your premiums. you'll be making do with far less than you should.

the country is falling apart. new orleans is still a wreck. can you believe the dutch, the masters at controlling flooding, offered to come help rebuild and our government turned them down? not enough money, apparently. oh, they can spend half a trillion dollars on their bogus, illegal, immoral war, but they'll be damned if they'll help americans? regular, often not white, hardworking and underpaid americans. who've had to give up their homes and move all over the country to get their lives even halfway back together.

i wish someone could tell me why chimpy and all his cronies are still free to walk amongst the rest of us? fuck being unemployed... how many laws do they get to break?

i heart chris rock

from http://socialitelife.com:

In the latest issue of Life magazine, featuring Chris on the cover, Rock is asked, "Is this country ready for an African American president?" Rock answered, "It's ready for a retarded president, why wouldn't it be ready for an African American president?"


Oh no he didn't!


Rock went on to say that he likes Al Gore, and that he doesn't expect to see a black president in his lifetime.