i snorted till i choked

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church
outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his poll
standings. Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and
said to him "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the
president's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, Katrina, and
the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if
during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint." The Bishop
thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church is in
desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."

Bush showed up for the sermon and the Bishop began:

"I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President. George
Bush is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the
tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the
American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded
Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and
making the United States the most hated country on earth."

"He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to
widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded
contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more
poverty in this country, and a greater gap between rich and poor, than
we've had since the Depression. He instituted illegal wiretaps when
getting a warrant from a secret court would have been a mere
administrative detail, had his henchmen lie to Congress about it, then
claimed he is above the law."

"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since
Teapot Dome. The national surplus has turned into a staggering
national debt of $7.6 trillion, gas prices are up 85%, and vital
research into global warming and stem cells is stopped cold because
he's afraid to lose votes from some religious kooks. He is the worst
example of a true Christian I've ever known."

"But, compared to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, George Bush is a saint."