umm...

i've made some decent food lately. i'll have an assload of recipes to post here as soon as i get em typed up.

i'm even cooking tonight. some lovely clam chowdah cuz it's all icky and gray and fixing to rain, but my mind's not really on it, and my heart is certainly not in it.

my mom's in the hospital with a host of problems... supraventricular tachycardia, congestive heart failure, and a bedsore so heinous it's going to require surgery. she's been in a week, and none of those problems have been brought under control thus far.

back in january she had a heart attack, complete with cardiac arrest. she was having chest pains. they came and went. she had my dad take her to the emergency room, only to turn him around when they let up. they were back before they got there though, so my dad turned around and headed back to the e.r. she infarcted in triage.

what's scary is she looked a lot better the night she had the heart attack than she does right now. she's gotten much weaker and she looks like she's given up hope. i don't think she's had more than an hour of sleep in one stretch in the week she's been there.

i feel helpless in a way i didn't know was possible. i don't work outside the home, and there's only so much housework and laundry and errands to do in a day. i have way too much time on my hands to worry about her. i'd like to go upside the head of her doctor... not for what's going on with her heart, they're doing everything they can for her, and their options are somewhat limited by her poor health. it's that someone allegedly ordered an air mattress for her 4 days ago, for the bedsore, and it's yet to show up.

i don't have an m.d. but i do know she'd be better off if she could get some fucking sleep! i've bitched at the appropriate parties and NOTHING has changed.


if you, gentle reader, are the praying kind, say one for my mom? i know i don't *believe*, but she does.