oh my fucking god!!!!

hey hey kiddies....

click on the title of this post. i double-dog dare you.

i swear i pissed myself laughing.

how'd i know? lol

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What number are you?

happy 4/20 kids!

sooo... these are the high holy days. i'm currently burning one... gotta be stoned @ 4:20 on 4/20.

anyhoo... i'm makin shrimp soft tacos fer dinner. got the salsa brewin in the fridge.

AND... i wanna send a big shout out to julianne and erik... today is their 4th (i think!) anniversary.

more later!!

¡felíz cumpleaños!

happy birfday to you... you live in a zoo... you look like a monkey... and you like to fling poo

hey hey... it's my 36th birthday today... email me and i'll be happy to provide you with an address to send the swag to. *snort*

anyhoo, i'm off to lux salon & spa for some much-needed pampering.

i'll try to post more later.

fuckin yum!

sorry it's been so long kids... everything is fine. i just haven't been cooking much worth posting lately, and i'm still too bent about what the wearers of asshats have been up to to post anything worth reading. i'll get to that as soon as my blood cools sufficiently.

last nite's dinner was something called farmer's pasta. i'll post the recipe for that tomorrow.

tonight we had beef stew, which was really just a riff on my old standby recipe for pot roast.

take a 3-5 lb boneless chuck roast and make slits all over both sides. stuff a piece of garlic that will fit into these holes into them and salt and pepper liberally. heat a large, heavy pot about 6-8 qt in size over medium high heat and sear to a delicious dark brown. remove to a plate and pour about half a bottle of decent red wine (i used a mouton cadet bordeaux i got at ralphs for $7.) into sed pot and using a wood spoon, scrape up all the stuck-on bits. using wine instead of another liquid such as beef broth or stock (which will be making its appearance soon enough) to deglaze the pan will result in getting more of these stuck-on bits unstuck, thus resulting in a tastier sauce.

after deglazing, put the roast back in the pot and add a couple of onions cut in large wedges and about 4 stalks of celery cleaned and roughly chopped. add canned or homemade beef broth or stock just to cover the beef and vegetation (should be about 4-6 cups worth). add a couple of bay leaves, put the lid on the pot, and turn the heat all the way down to low.

cook for about 1 1/2-2 hrs. leave the lid on. i know it smells delicious, but resist the urge to take a whiff. after the 1 1/2-2 hrs, add several handfuls of roughly chopped carrots. put the lid back on and leave it alone about 45 mins, then add 8-12 small red potatoes (leave the skins on) and 8 oz of whole button mushrooms. replace the lid and cook about 30 mins, or until the potatoes are fork tender.

try picking up the roast with a pair of tongs. if it's falling apart, use a large spoon to break it up into bite-sized chunks. turn the heat up to medium high and make a slurry of about 1 c cornstarch and 1/2 c COLD water. add to the pot and stir vigorously.

while the stew is coming to a boil (this is a necessary step. it will not thicken fully without coming just to a boil), chop a good-sized handful of fresh flat-leaf parsley and add to the pot. stir to combine. after the stew has started to bubble rather vigorously, turn the heat off and allow to cool for about 10-15 mins before attempting to get yer grub on.

serve with some crusty bread and enjoy!

sorry for the hiatus

i'm sorry i haven't been posting lately. lots of things going on that have made it damn near impossible to get into the proper frame of mind.

i have only one thing to say at the moment... i hope tom delay gets hit by a fucking bus, and soon.

i'll make a proper post later on today.

bakin cookies!

yay!!! they're in the oven right now... about 8 mins left on the first batch. i make my cookies huge... these will prolly be about 4" in diameter.

*lol* i burned my thumb getting them out of the oven. that'll teach me to have an appropriate pot holder instead of a damp towel.

anyhoo, here's the recipe:

3/4 c butter-flavored crisco
1/4 c firmly packed brown sugar
1 egg
1/3 c half and half
1 -1/2 tsp vanilla
1 c all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp freshly ground nutmeg
3 c quick oats (not instant or old fashioned)
1 c craisins
1/2 cup coarsely chopped almonds (optional)
parchment paper or silpat

heat oven to 375. cut parchment paper to fit your cookie sheet.

combine crisco, brown sugar, egg, milk and vanilla in the bowl of an electric mixer. beat at medium speed until well blended.combine flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. mix into creamed mixture at low speed until just blended. stir in oats, craisins and nuts with spoon.

drop 1/3 c of dough 3 inches apart onto baking sheet.bake 15-16 minutes, or until lightly browned. cool 2 minutes on baking sheet. remove to cooling rack.

yay!!

k... click on the title of this post to go to my all-new blog, blue state sex.

we're finally drinking the limoncello we made almost 2 weeks ago. fucking eh. this is the best booze i've ever had. apparently, you can make it with any kind of zestable citrus fruit. grapefruit and blood orange are a couple i think i might try.

so... find the recipe on my blog and make some when the weather gets warm.

k.. i'll post about dinner later. it's gonna be a doozy.

news flash!

i think i'm going to start another blog. one that's fit for public consumption (this one, duh?) and another one where i can let it rip once in awhile.

but... i had a pep farms cookie this morning for breakfast that's inspired me to make my own. an oatmeal cookie with dried cranberries in it instead of raisins. makes yer mouth water just thinking about it, eh?

brb.

the beach

soo... this post is for all the friendly people who replied to my "i'm such a fucking wuss!!" post.


my toes curled into tight knots as your flickering tongue danced up and down the folds of my labia, touching me in just the way i wanted to be touched, for all the reasons i wanted.

my body was pummeled and tossed by the spasms of my twitching muscles. your hot breath exhaled over my sensitized skin was like clouds bearing my writhing body closer and closer to the overpowering rays of a burning sun.

it felt ticklish as your tongue lapped at my clitoris like a kitten crouched beside a saucer of milk… then suddenly your tongue swiped over me full force and knocked me back onto the beach, washing the warm waves of water over my body and through my entire being.

my back arched and my breathing quickened as i felt the rapid approach of my orgasm. like a sea serpent slithering amongst the corals, your tongue probed me expertly, touching every spot and every place until sweat broke out over my heaving breasts and my heart began to pound like the roaring drums of a savage and primal time.

i felt your tongue hitting every spot, soothing every itch, bringing on what i could tell would be the most powerful orgasm of my entire life…

suddenly, the sensation of falling as i lost total control of my body… my mind… my very soul. i reached out and gripped the sheet, but it detached from the mattress and flailed in my hands as i plummeted helplessly into the chasm of orgiastic ecstasy.

as my distance from the sun increased… as i fell into that place of absolute ecstasy and satisfaction, all grew darker and darker, until only the echoes of my impassioned screams filled my ears. the force of my orgasm caused massive tremors that never stopped… only attenuating to where consciousness can return.

and i sat up, looking you, looking at the lover who had so expertly satisfied me, knowing that you won't stop there… you'll never stop.

you hoisted my thighs up upon your shoulders and i prepare myself for another impossibly wonderful ride…


well? you like?

i am such a fucking wuss!!

gawd. i don't know how i stand myself sometimes!

every couple weeks, i take my husband out for lunch. i usually hit south coast plaza on the way home and indulge in a little retail therapy. this time was supposed to be different. i was supposed to walk my husband to his office and close the door and indulge in something else... a little office fellatio.

stupid me wussed out (bigly) because all his co-workers were there. most of them usually leave the premises for lunch, but not this time. fuck shit piss!! AND... i used to regularly blow someone in parking lots, metrolink stations, etc, and not think much of it. (it's a killer, skanky, sex-ho kinda story too... i'll have to tell you sometime.)

i lost my cojones when i got married i think. i wonder if i can go to ikea or tiffany & co. or somewhere and buy some?

i wussed out, and what's more, i feel like shit about it. i'd been trumpeting the office fellatio because i wanted to pop a cherry, if you will, of my husband's. something he'd never experienced before. that list gets pretty damn small by the time a man's 35, you know?

so he sez next time... he better hold me to it.

so it's 4:20... time to celebrate!

so i'm working on mt. marlboro here...

this morning, courtesy of yahoo! messenger:

wen'l: you didn't wax poetic about buckwheat honey :p
fuctincalifornia: o but i'm going to when i blog about that swine the other nite
fuctincalifornia: *hug*
wen'l: k
wen'l: next time we grill I want some of that mesquite charcoal from el supermercado mex
fuctincalifornia: ok
wen'l: do we wanna bbq some pork some upcoming weekend?
fuctincalifornia: mos def
fuctincalifornia: let's have some pulled pork


ok. i don't do the bbq. my bbq AND grilling skillz are not up to snuff. besides, i have the world's best husband. he's a total cracker, but when he's being the pit boss, you'd think he's an old black man from memphis. he makes his sauce from scratch even. when we got married, we did it on the cheap, at the old courthouse in santa ana. (click title for pic... it really is a lovely building). two days later we had a party for friends and family here at the house, and we did it up right. we did the cooking. wen'l did the bbq (pulled pork, brisket, ribs and chicken!) and i did the sides.

that was the second most wonderful day of my life. the most wonderful was inside that courthouse, when i cried my way through my vows, and felt so happy i thought i'd explode.


anyhoo... back to today's regularly scheduled post.

bryan asked me for a good pork tenderloin recipe awhile back, and i took entirely too long to fulfill his request. i was reading over some of my less-recent posts the other day... i was trying to come up with something for dinner on saturday night, and lo and behold, pork tenderloin sounded mighty tasty.

so we went to the grocery emporium and bought us one. i whipped up a marinade (see below for recipe) and after a good 4 hr soak, wen'l grilled it up. it was deeeeelicious and juicy and beyond tender. i mean a knife wasn't really required tender. it got served up with some asparagus (i know, i know... you're sick of it already) and some sauteed spinach.

so, w/o further ado, my honey-dijon marinade:

juice of 2 lemons
3 cloves garlic, minced fine
1/4 c buckwheat honey
1/4 c dijon mustard
salt and pepper

combine all ingredients and whisk to combine. place pork (or chicken... this would sooooooo rock on chicken) in a large ziploc bag. pour marinade over pork (...) and stash the bag in the fridge for at least 1 hr (but 4-8 hrs would be even better). heat grill to about 350 degrees. grill over indirect heat till the internal temperature reaches 155. allow to rest 10 mins or so before you even think about cutting it. i promise your patience will be rewarded.

even children get older...

courtesy of anonymousgrrl and jazzy and the flying crow


i am: waking and baking.
i want: late april strawberries in the middle of march.
i have: elevated the humble pot roast to heretofore unseen heights.
i wish: i could write a cookbook and lose 50 lbs simultaneously.
i hate: that good people in ohio had to decide an election on the fear of gay people being able to get married.
i fear: far less than i used to.
i hear: "landslide" as done by billy corgan and my insides swell. the original doesn't do that.
i search: for the perfect dressed-up-yet-still-casual shirt.
i wonder: what's so funny about peace, love and understanding.
i regret: only seeing The Clash once. i cried like a baby when Joe Strummer died.
i love: snootchie bootches.
i ache: and my wonderful husband lays his bread-kneading hands upon me.
i always: say Sting made better music when he was miserable.
i am not: afraid i'll lose my limerance.
i dance: because what else is there to do when the world is running down?
i cry: even though everything's gonna be alright.
i am not always: so hung up on working the music i'm listening to into what i'm writing.
i would like: those late april strawberries with some crème fraîche and brown sugar.
i write: not nearly as well or as much as i'd like.
i lose: myself in the kitchen, in the best possible way.
i win: when i realize that winning isn't the point.
i confuse: erections with arousal.
i need: to put clean water in my bong.
i should: get to writing that &%$#@! cookbook, 50 lbs be damned.




... and i'm getting older too

xylophones and sunshine and coffee

so i'm sitting here on a sunny monday morning, drinking my coffee out of my innocent bystander mug(http://ournameismud.com/product.cfm?ProductID=385), listening to "gone daddy gone" by the violent femmes. i was just reading a blog i've become addicted to the last couple days. i found it by checking out the comments on bryan's blog. (you remember bryan, don't you? he's the guy i posted a pork tenderloin recipe for? i digress... it's not often i go back and read a person's entire output, but i couldn't really help myself. if you go have a look, you'll soon find out why. click on the title of this post. i double dog dare you.


anyhoo, i'm usually back in bed by now. i get wen'l off to work in the mornings and almost always go back to bed for a few hours when he leaves. for some reason, though, i decided not to this morning... so i could blog! i've never blogged in the morning. i've decided i'm going to do something every day this week that i've never done before. i know, a.m. blogging isn't really adventurous, but i'm going to more than make up for it tomorrow. :p

ok... so it's sunny this morning. the sun hasn't been out in the morning for weeks. we've been having june gloom in march, and the sun hasn't been making its appearances till at least noon. but it's sunny (if a little hazy) this morning, and i'm feeling the need to wake and bake and wax poetic about buckwheat honey. either that or let "seven nation army" do its thing and force me to re-read some of as the crow flies. :)

fuck i ramble in the morning!

pot roast and triple choklit fantasy

hey... it's a crappy sunday. cloudy, cool enough that pants are required, warm enough that i notice the humidity. not a good day in many respects, but things should be better once i've eaten.

pot roast has a way of doing that to me.

pot roast with braised root vegetables and mushrooms

1 4-5 lb 7-bone roast
10 cloves garlic, cut in half
2/3 of a bottle of zinfandel
3 c beef broth or stock
1 lg onion, cut in good sized chunks
12 small yukon gold potatoes, scrubbed but not peeled
2 bunches carrots, peeled
12 oz button mushrooms, wiped with a paper towel
salt and pepper
2 T vegetable oil
4 sprigs fresh thyme
2-3 bay leaves
slurry made of cornstarch and water (about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of cornstarch in 1 c water)

preheat oven to 325. heat lg. dutch oven over med-hi heat with the oil. cut slits into the roast and insert garlic. season liberally with salt and pepper. turn roast over and repeat on other side, cutting slits, inserting garlic, salt & pepper.

sear on both sides in dutch oven, and remove to a lg. plate. lower heat and pour in the zinfandel, and using a wooden spoon, scrape all the crusty bits from the bottom of the pan. put roast back in pot, add the stock and onions, put the lid on and place dutch oven in 325 degree oven.

allow to braise for about 2 hrs. check doneness of meat by attempting to pick it up. if it's close to falling apart, add the potatoes and carrots and mushrooms and return to the oven for another 45-60 mins. if the meat is not yet to the lovely falling apart stage, give it another 30 mins and check it again.

when vegetation is done, remove it and the roast from the dutch oven and put the dutch oven over high heat on the stove. allow the liquids to reduce by about 20% and add the cornstarch slurry. bring back to a boil and serve immediately.



the dessert is storebought. i was thinking i'd bake this killer pie today, but it'll have to wait till next weekend. be sure to check back then for the recipe, cuz i'm thinking it's gonna be the bomb.

have a lovely sunday evening everyone!

oh my

i am such an old married lady sometimes. tonight was just that sort of occasion. i messed up my back earlier, so cooking (along with certain other activities) was out of the question. we went to this dumpy coffee shop with surprisingly good food called mae's in garbage grove.

i always have the same thing at this place, the chicken fried steak and eggs, over medium. yes, i know. it's very, umm... unhealthy (not to mention slightly white trash), but sometimes ya just gotta indulge your love of saturated fat. this one waitress (who snoozed and lost tonight, and it's a shame, cuz we tip good) is a veritable laff riot. she knows what i have. i don't even have to order. one of these days i'm going to order something else and totally blow her mind.

i was home slightly after 8 pm. we watched "real time with bill maher", which was getting tivo'd. tivo roolz btw. i highly recommend it. and i don't mean these other dvr's that are tivo-esque. the original is still the best. plus, it's only $5/mo from directv. it totally revolutionized my viewing habits. sure "deadwood" is on at 6 on sundays, but hell, i'm always cookin still. so everything starts like half an hour later.

it rocks.

but it doesn't rock half as hard as rei. you know, recreational equipment, inc. my husband and i did a little window shopping @ rei.com about a week ago and we ordered a lovely hemp shirt for him to wear to a wedding we're going to the end of april. it's going to be an outdoors, casual but nice sort of affair, and it's gonna be warm where we're going. click on the title to see it. it's made out of hemp *snort* and recycled soda bottles. how fucking crunchy granola is that? lol

besides, it's gonna look smart with the linen pants we picked up from llbean.com. yes, i'm a shopaholic, but i do it smart. i signed up for emails with the places i do the most shopping and i take advantage of them. i am all over free shipping. and, the shopping i do in person is usually at one of those discount places like ross or marshalls. i got a le creuset dutch oven there for $75 bux there that normally goes for $150. the enamel job on the outside is defective (according to the mfg, anyway). it's blue and the job was not even. i think it looks cool, however, and the inside (where the real action is anyway) is perfect.

see? i AM a fucking housewife! i know i'm sposed to be all liberated and such, but meeting my husband really brought out my inner girl. i like taking care of him, makin a nice home for him n such. cooking, which i've found i have a real talent for, being the best part. i think i need to work up the balls to bake a loaf of bread. i have a mixer with a dough hook but i think i want to knead it by hand. at least the first time anyway, so i know what it feels like. not kneading, the lump being kneaded.

ok.. enough of that. i think i need to put this edition to bed and go hug my husband.

lazy, italian-style

yes, i know i suck. i also know it's entirely possible that if i don't get a break from making these 5-star meals all the time that i'm going to go postal at the megamart. now, i'm cooking tonight, but i'm going to accept a little help from barilla. porcini mushroom tortelloni tossed with some olive oil, pan-roasted garlic and parmigiano-reggiano. sounds rather emilia-romagna in origin to me. :) also, some roasted asparagus ($.99/lb @ ralphs!) and a nice loaf of bread.

i got to ride the highs and lows of tax preparation earlier, and it sapped my serotonin stores. i need to carb-load for dinner. it has the benefit of also being quick and easy to prepare.

i shall leave my kind readers with a question, one you can answer if you'd like.

what's YOUR comfort food?

my sweet baby

anyhoo... blogger pisses me off in one respect. posting pics here is a trick i have yet to figure out, and that hello shit seems like a major pain.

so, if you click on the title of this post, you will be directed to a pic of my honey pie. :)

we went to the shore house over in long beach for dinner. we were going to have the traditional calzone. wen'l wanted one. that used to be "our" dinner, back when we was dead crackers po'. both of us could eat for $11, and the traditional calzone is damn tasty, and we hadn't had one in at least a year.

alas, they couldn't do pizza tonite, so they couldn't do calzone either. BOOHOO!! so, i had the pot roast sammich. wen'l had the beef melt. and i drank way too much coffee. it's a rare thing indeed for a coffee shop to have decent coffee, and they serve a lovely french roast at the shore house.

i think i had 5 cups. i'll probably be up half the night, but it was worth it.


anyhoo... i'll cook something fantabulous for dinner tomorrow and get back to posting a recipe. i need to figure out something to do with the juice of the 10 lemons i zested yesterday for limoncello. oh hey! a recipe!

limoncello (a lovely lemony digestif)

the zest of 10 lemons
4 cups vodka
2 1/2 cups sugar
3 1/2 water

place vodka and zest in a sealable jar, like a mason jar and allow to sit in a cool, dark place for 4 days. on the fifth day, place the sugar and the water in a saucepan and bring to a boil. allow to cook 5 minutes, remove from heat and allow to cool. add simple syrup to the vodka mixture and allow to stand overnight. strain through a layer of cheesecloth in a conical sieve, pressing the solids firmly. strain again through a second layer in the same manner. chill and allow to stand 1 week.
serve very cold.

there are two colours in my head......

today ended up being a lovely day. low 70's temps, sunny skies, slight breeze from the west. i hate to break it to everyone, but i think spring is about to sprung here in southern california...

i think i'm going to try to talk the hub into leaving the premises for dinner. i'm not really into cooking tonite. been doin a lot of it lately. sorry for not posting more.

anyhoo, he's home an hour early tonite and making a cocktail. a martini. with vodka acourse... i had a really bad drunk on gin once and can't stand the smell anymore. i told him to make me about half a martini. :)

damn i miss tanqueray and chronic...


he's agreed to dinner abroad tonight. in theory anyway. i have to come up with a suitable destination. yummy martini. bone dry.

so... it's the shore house in long beach for dinner. yay!! it's our place!

tonight's dinner

k... tonight is the season premiere of "deadwood" on hbo, and i decided i wanted something big and beefy for dinner tonight, so i'm going to pan sear some steaks and make my usual shallot sauce with some sort of booze and heavy cream. also, i'm going to make some green beans with bacon and shallots and some glazed carrots.

all of the recipes besides the green beans are located elsewhere on this blog... in the case of the steak, in several locations.

these beans should be good

haricots verts with shallots

2 lb green beans, ends trimmed
3 shallots, minced
1/4 lb bacon, diced
freshly ground pepper
salt if necessary (and taste first)
quick squeeze lemon juice to finish

bring 3 qt salted water to boil in a large pot and prepare an ice bath in a large bowl. plunge green beans into boiling water, and stir gently for 2 minutes. remove to ice bath to stop cooking. you can do this step up to several hours ahead, and if you do, remove beans from ice bath, wrap in paper towels and put in the fridge.

when you want to finish the dish, place a large saute pan over slightly more than medium heat and render bacon. remove to a bowl and keep for service. add shallots to pan and saute till translucent and add green beans and pepper. heat just through and hit it with the wee squeeze of lemon juice and top with bacon bits. serve immediately.